= = = = = " GODS FRUIT " = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:

"Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, WAY!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID so!" "DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

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Before I went to bed tonight I just had to let you know, that my love for you is strong and will always continue to grow.



Before I went to bed tonight I thought that you should hear That every moment we spent together, I hold so very dear.



Before I went to bed tonight I had you on my mind. I thought of things you've done for me, Things from a heart so kind.



I hope this letter makes you happy, If only for a while But I'd gladly write a million Just to see you smile!



I know this sounds crazy, Just like I lost my head. But I had to let you know, Before I went to bed.

==========================

The pope and an attorney arrived at the Pearly Gates at just the same time, and St. Peter showed them to their quarters.

First the pope was taken to his room, a small, spartan cubicle with a chair, a desk, and a Bible.

Then the lawyer was shown to his room, a massive duplex with women, wine, and a huge waterbed.

"Excuse me, "said the lawyer to St. Peter, "there must be some mistake. Shouldn't the pope have this room?"

St. Peter shook his head: "No. We have dozens of popes in heaven, but you're our first attorney."

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Thank you for our friendship For it means so much to me, Your kindness and understanding And loving ways you share so free.



Thank you for being beside me When I needed someone that cared, And thank you for all your loyalty For the times together we shared.



Thank you for our friendship For it's something even money can't buy, Thank you for holding me tightly When there was a need I had to cry.



Thank you for always smiling When I couldn't smile at all, And thank you for boosting my ego For the times I felt so small.



Your friendship I cherish so deeply So this message to you I send, May God bless and always watch over you And may you always remain my friend...

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A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.

Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE PART OVER."

=======================

The teacher said, "Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?"

All the kids looked baffled by the question except Rufus, who raises his hand and waves it excitedly.

"Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asked.

Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February second, March second..."

=======================

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said.

"Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared the child.

"And what if you run out of money?"

"I will come home and get some!," readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"

"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home; he's going off to college."

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A union shop steward is addressing a union meeting...

"Comrades. We have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week."

"Hooray!", goes the crowd.

"We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM."

"Hooray!", goes the crowd, again.

"We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM."

"Hooray!"

"We have a 150% pay rise."

"Hooray!"

"We will only work on Wednesdays."

Silence...then a voice from the back asks, "Every Wednesday?"

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. The local United Way received nothing from the city's most successful lawyer.

Irritated, the administrator phoned him. "We know you do very well, and yet you've not given a dime to this charity."

"Do you also know about my mother's exorbitant medical bills?" the lawyer asked.

"No I didn't," said the administrator.

"Or that my brother is blind and in a wheelchair?"

"I-I didn't realize..."

"Or that my sister's husband died, leaving her penniless with three children?"

"I'm sorry," the solicitor said. "I had no idea…"

"Well," said the lawyer, "I don't give money to them. Why should I give you any?"

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