= = = = = A BLONDE = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

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TOUR GUIDE TERMS and the TRANSLATION

Old world charm ........... No bath Tropical .................. Rainy Majestic setting .......... A long way from town Options galore ............ Nothing is included in the itinerary Secluded hideaway ......... Impossible to find or get to Pre-registered rooms ...... Already occupied Explore on your own ....... Pay for it yourself Knowledgeable trip hosts .. They've flown in an airplane before No extra fees ............. No extras Nominal fee ............... Outrageous charge Standard .................. Sub-standard Deluxe .................... Standard Superior .................. One free shower cap All the amenities ......... Two free shower caps Plush ..................... Top and bottom sheets Gentle breezes ............ Occasional Gale-force winds Light and airy ............ No air conditioning Picturesque ............... Theme park nearby

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As Gayle was getting to know Jim and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They're so thoughtful," Gayle said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Gayle and Jim were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Gayle again remarked on Jim's loving parents, and even the coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied Jim. "And I take after my mom."

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As he lay on his deathbed he spoke, "Sara, I want you should know before I die that Ginsburg the tailor owes me $200, and Morris the butcher owes me $50, and Klein next door owes me $300." His wife turned to the children and said, "What a wonderful man your father is. Even when he's dying he's got the brains to realize who owes him money." The old man continued, "And Sara I want you to also know that I owe the landlord a hundred dollars." To which his wife cried, "Oh oh, now he's getting delirious!"

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I believe that life is there to enjoy I believe that crushes are there to crush hearts I believe true love is there from the start I believe you should give people chances I believe that good things will come to people who work hard (but work smart instead)

I believe great things will come to people who never give up

I believe silence will teach you something if you listen hard

I believe that the heart leads you in the right direction if you follow it

I believe friends are needed no matter who you are I believe family should stick by your side I believe God will help you if you believe in Him and trust Him

I believe drugs destroy I believe sleep calms the soul I believe the heart and soul are more important than looks

I believe trust helps the world go round I believe love brings great things I believe kids could teach adults a lot if adults would just listen

I believe pets are great because they listen and love you no matter what you look like

I believe you should always chase your dreams But most importantly, I believe in showing your true colors, just being who you are, and not trying to be more for someone other than yourself

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If you love something set it free! If it comes back it always be yours If it doesn’t come back it was never yours to begin with But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, watches your TV, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you set it free…then you either married it or gave birth to it!

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