Q. What do you call 47 guys sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Detroit Lions
Q. What do the Detroit Lions & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 60,000 people stand up & yell, "Jesus Christ"!
Q. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts!
Q. Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado?
A. To Ford Field - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why doesn't Oakland County have a professional football team?
A. Because then Detroit would want one.
Q. Why was Steve Mariucci upset when the Lions playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.
Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q. What do the Lions and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
=======================
A favorite story from former CNO Admiral Jim Holloway USN Retired.......
One thing about Air Force pilots is that they lie a lot. You simply can't trust them at all. We had an argument one night at the Belvedere Inn, across from the main gate at NAS Pax River, a bunch of our F-14 Tomcat Pilots at Strike were arguing with some F-15 Eagle drivers from Langley about who was better at what and which airplane was better. Well, we decided to settle it the next morning in the restricted area over the Chesapeake Bay. This is where we found out about how much Air Force pilots lie!!! We all agreed to meet nose on at 35 thousand and settle it once and for all. Don't you know those lying, sneaky PILOTS showed up at 40 thousand. God, what a bunch of lying, low lifes those Air Force types were, showing up with a 5 thousand foot altitude advantage. HeCK....if we hadn't been at 45 thousand, those lying Air Force dirtbags would have had us for breakfast!!!!!!!
=====================
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (i.e. I found it!) but 'That's funny...' ---Issac Asimov
====================
"We are free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it." ---William Faulkner
======================
"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves." ---Dresden James
=====================
He who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else. Samuel Johnson - British Author
===================
The health inspector was aghast to see the pastry cook crimping the edge of the apple pie with a set of false teeth.. "Haven't you got a tool for that?" "Yes, but I save that for putting holes in the donuts." he replied.
==================
I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten. "I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."
=====================
Sean Connery has agreed to do one more James Bond movie. The villain is a doctor who is a proctologist. The movie title will be "Dr. Coldfinger."
======================
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. ---John Wilmont, Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
======================
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Lions jersey and helmet, and is festooned with Lions pom-pons. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave."
The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game."
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins with the Lions receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal. Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  27583 ( Click here )
Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
|
Razzy aka 
