= = = The 10 Commandments of Love = = = WOODEN NICKEL

The 10 Commandments of Love

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me behind my back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.

IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too weird.

V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it if thou knowest what's good for thee.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my purse/wallet while I am in thy bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not nag.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze.

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A young man went to an interview for potential guests on a TV talk show. "What do you do?" the show's producer asked the young man.

"I imitate birds," the young man answered.

"What?" grunted the producer. "People who imitate birds are a dime a dozen. We can't use you."

"Okay," replied the disappointed young man. And he flapped his arms and flew out the window.

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IF I HAD A CHOICE

If I had a choice An angel's what I'd be, And everything that happened I'd be there to see,

You'd be right there with me To wrap my wings around, Only you would know I'm there For I would'nt make a sound,

I would see ahead of you To help direct your path, I'd always be there with you You'd never have to ask,

I'd be there protecting you And keeping you from harm, For nothing is too hard for me With my loving arms,

When you have somewhere to go I'll be with you in flight, I'll also be there protecting In the middle of the night,

So if I had a choice An angel's what I'd be, I'd be right there beside you Helping you so see.

Would you be someone's angel?

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REMEMBER ONE THING : Never give up on your dreams. People who go to college are incredible. We go to classes. We read and absorb and are comprehensively tested on heavy amounts of various materials. We sleep very little. We drink ourselves into oblivion. We kill ourselves with several types of smoke. We cough and keep sneezing. Someone is always sick. Someone is always complaining. We become attached to close friends. We smother each other. We lean too much, but our friends don't mind. We think often of the past and want to go back. We know we cannot, and soon we won't want to. We all had separate lives, families, backgrounds and pasts. We live totally different from how we used to live. We are frustrated and sometimes want to give up, but we never stop trying, and our friends won't let us. We disregard health. We eat awful foods. We are forced to think about the future. We are scared and confused. We reach out for things, yet we don't find them. We try to sort out our minds, which are filled with studies, worries, problems, memories, emotions--powerful feelings. We wander the campus looking for happiness, which can be found in a friend's smile. We hurt--a lot, but a friend always tries to take the hurt away. We keep going, though, because above all else, we never stop learning, growing, changing, and most important dreaming. Dreams keep us going and they always will. All we can do is be thankful that we have something to hold onto, like dreams and each other.

===================== "Top Ten Caddy Comments" 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." 7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." 5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass." 4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." 3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." 2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." 1 Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

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The Priest had just finished hearing the man´s confession and was considering the man´s penitence.

"Are you sure you´re going to try to set aside all sin?"

"Yes, Father, I certainly am going to try." replied the man. "I hereby resolve to double my efforts."

"And you´re going to attend Mass regularly my son?" the Priest went on.

"Yes, Father, I realize I have strayed." said the man. "I shall both worship and confess every week."

"And how about your debts and those you have cheated?" inquired the Priest.

"Now just a minute, Father." said the man. "Now you´re talking business, not religion."

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Wife to Husband: If I die, I want you to promise me, in the funeral procession, you'll let my mother ride in the first car with you.

Husband: All right, but it will ruin my day.

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Life is a riddle; unfortunately the answer's not written on the back of anything.

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