Date: 11/17/2003 7:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 29532
Hey, as long as she is responsible enough to use B.C. I'm on her side all the way. However, chastity belts are in fashion again *winks*  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 16845
Ok IF I had a daughter and IF she did that...I'd probably be a bit miffed in the begining...but then proud that she was atleast looking out for herself....  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
my parents always preached protection, to preach abstinence is just adding a rule for them to break, if a kid is told not to do something it wants to do it more than before  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 62246
See, I see your point, but I still believe in abstinance. There are many diseases you can get even with the condem on! But, you can get diseases from just about everything. Also, I think birth control pills are quite dangerous. Have you ever sat down to read all the side effects or risks? But, I'm a dork! I'm glad that you sat down and told her the risks, though! I shouldn't even be in this argument though. I'm only 15, younger than your daughter. -Sparky the WonderDog  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 60052
I don't think that preaching abstinence is practical for every teen. I think it should be a case by case basis. Everyone is different. I think that you did the right thing. It's what my parents did with me.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 45948
I think you handled it just right. She is going to do what she wants to do anyway, and the best thing you can do is teach her to be responsible about it, which to me sounds just like what you did. Love,  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 53961
Both. Please teach both and pray she chooses the first.  |
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Date: 11/17/2003 7:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 53961
My youngest daughter is 20. My grandaughter is 10. They are both taught abstinence before marriage and fidelity after marriage. There can be no gray area in this topic. |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 1225
The worst thing a parent can do is make something off-limits or villify something. The teenaged mind automatically files all "don't do that" remarks in "gotta do that, it'll show how independant I am!" The best thing to do is discuss every aspect of it, the good, bad, and ugly without overtly telling them what their opinion should be, give them all the facts and let them make their own decision; more often than not you'll be satisfied with the result.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
The consensus seems to be for responsibility, and I'm all for that. It's good that your daughter is thinking ahead..  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 45630
It's the mothers role to preach protection to a young daughter. It's the fathers role to preach abstinence. A father does not want to even think about his baby girl having sex. She's too precious. When it is a boy it should be the other way around!  |
Date: 11/17/2003 7:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 47930
i have already talked to my daughter about this, and I feel like this...I hope and pray she doesnt do anything til she is married BUT I know that will probably not happen. So we talk about what needs to be used, I would be very proud of my daughter for her to be so responsible in doing this, that would be enough. I totally agree with your way and all we can do is hope for the best.  |
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Date: 11/17/2003 8:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
WOW! Where are all the abstainers? This seems to be a one-way debate except for Hey Hey Paula (no offense). I'm glad to see so many open minded people out there. PINK BUNNY: LOL! (Chastity belts in style again ROFL!-) JESTER: I totally agree! SPARKY: Yes I have read the ingredients in birth control: I used it for 12 years (but stopped to go "al natural" to avoid any risk). I know there are risks but they usually are more prevalent in your 30's. HEY HEY PAULA: I do teach both abstinence and protection, but she is now in an environment (her father is an over-the-land trucker who is rarely home, and she has a new (3rd) stepmother, who can't care as much as her own parents (she has 2 of her own w/ absolutely no help from the other parent). |
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Date: 11/17/2003 8:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
NEPTUNE and KURT VEDDER: How did you get to be so wise, for being so young??? I like your opinions. Scall |
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Date: 11/17/2003 8:08:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
Thanks to all for your support. I think teaching protection is just as IF NOT MORE THAN important as teaching abstenance. |
Date: 11/17/2003 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 53013
The first thing I preach is absitence. However, I also let them know that if they can't stick with that to be safe and responsible.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 8:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 20977
I think that in a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about any of this at all... But, here on earth, I say that she is going have sex, and it's better for her to be able to get the advice and protection that she needs, than to risk her life.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 8:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I don't understand these closeted freaks who think that knowledge is bad. The evidence proves time and time again that well educated people make better decisions. period. So, I think it's great that you have had these discussions with your daughter and that you're relationship is so open with her that she can discuss these things with you. That said, if I were in your position, I would have put more emphasis on the risks and tried to impress upon her that she is too young to handle some of the adverse circumstances and that she didn't have my approval to engage in such activities. But, if she is buying birth control, she obviously already active and there is not much you can do about it except take heart that she is following your advice. Based on my experience with teenage girls (having been one once), she'd being doing the same thing if she didn't have acces to the b.c.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 8:57:00 PM
From Authorid: 51070
Maybe you should preach both?  |
Date: 11/17/2003 9:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 59876
i was taught both, abstinence first, and birth control if i chose not to wait. i chose to wait.  |
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Date: 11/17/2003 9:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 59876
i might add i think it is more important to include all options including abstinence rather than to assume a child has little control or responsibility for their actions. it is a choice, and maturity, is often indicitive of the otcome. |
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Date: 11/17/2003 9:15:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
MOLLY CAT: Thanks, true - she's already there, so what to say after the fact eh? Except to give her the facts. CREEPY FREAK: I do preach both - but she swears she's gonna marry her first love at this point and they're "talking about forever" so it's a little too late I think. Scall |
Date: 11/17/2003 9:57:00 PM
From Authorid: 52612
i think ur doing well on telling ur daughter what 2 do, and birth control is only goin half way., there is many diseases out there that many ppl aren't aware of., wouldn't it b scary just for a girl 2 be on birth control and the guy not 2 wear a condom and then find out later that 1 of those 2 had a diesease ??. who knows how many ppl each one has slept with, without protection..  |
Date: 11/17/2003 10:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 12341
Both would be my answer but protection at the very least. I live in Lucas County, Toledo, Ohio. We have the distinct rating of having the highest HIV stats in my state. Dying from AIDS is ugly, it is devastating. It is preventable.  |
Date: 11/17/2003 11:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 17275
I am with you, protection protection protection and slide the abstinance in at the end....you know you won't have to worry about diseases, puss sores ect if you just wait LOL  |
Date: 11/18/2003 1:59:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
Well bad things can happen if she dose get into all this but it was good you sat her down and told her about what she has to do ok you said the right things and trust me if she knows you know and are there for her this is good because she will not sneak behind your back all the time and if she dose sneak behind your back and thinks she can't trust you she can get into even more trobble. But still keep an eye out for her just in case.  |
Date: 11/18/2003 5:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 2030
The one thing all parents should be teaching and I often see lacking in teens is Common Sense. Abstinence is all well and good as a concept and maybe it will head of the inevitable for a while but it's not really a solution. Birth control is great but it doesn't prevent STD's. Teens are not adults, they may think so but they are wrong. Common sense, teach your kids to look beyond the now and consider the long term impacts of decisions, that is common sense.  |
Date: 11/18/2003 6:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 53558
You should preach both, Anna-1. Great big hugs. Take care.  |
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Date: 11/18/2003 7:47:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
Thanks BCAR - I agree. We just had a long talk about the long term effects of our choices last night. She wants to grow up so fast and is finding that the brick wall is hurting her head. |
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Date: 11/18/2003 7:50:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
Thanks for all the nice comments. I think the best part of our relationship is that she is open with me (at least more so with me than her father). I've tried to tell her to wait but she "loves" her boyfriend so much that I can almost hear her heart break when she thinks about life without him. I know if we try to keep her from him, she will rebel harder. So I advise, and keep the channel open between us so at least I know what's going on in her life. |
Date: 11/18/2003 9:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
I suppose the easiest thing to do is not to bring up the subject of abstinence...but no one ever said parenting was easy. Abstinence involves a degree of self-control that I think our children are capable of. I've talked to my daughter since she was very young about sex, I tell her now that abstinence is best as long as she is in high school. My sisters and myself managed to get through high school without having sex (my sisters are much younger than I..so it isn't as though we are all to old to understand what it's like to be young in this day and age), I have every faith that my daughter can do it to. But if she finds that she absolutely can't control herself, than protection is the best thing to do and to come to me so we can get her some.  |
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Date: 11/18/2003 1:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 1225
Blessed are the youth, for they are wisened beyond their years... |
Date: 11/18/2003 3:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 19092
I would teach both. One, for the benifits of respect, marriage, and morality, the other for "just in case". We've all made choices in our youth, I was a "just in case" myself...  |
Date: 11/18/2003 5:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 15998
not to pick on anyone, but being 17 myself, I'm not sure that Neptune is all that correct about the teenage mind. It isn't necessarily that we want to do the opposite of what our parents want, most people I know, including myself, don't think that way. I guess it all depends on your upbringing, aside frm that it's hormones. Because of that, I think the best thing a mother could do is preach abstinence, but also bring up that if the child IS going to have sex then they need to use protection. If my mom did not preach absitnence and only told me to use protection, it would be kind of sending me the signal that it is okay to have sex being 15, 16 whatever, as long as I use protection.... but it really isn't okay. I think teaching both are definitly important, even though they may kind of send mixed messages at first.  |
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Date: 11/18/2003 6:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
also another thing teens dont think about especially us guys is how you will feel afterwards, i know before i lost mine i was like "ooh i need to lose it yatta yatta yatta" and then after while i was with the girl i was happy we were in that kind of relationship in a way and after it ended and thought about it and realised i wish it wasnt her |
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Date: 11/18/2003 8:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 62246
(I know I already posted) I'm told to be abstinant, even if I do get urges to be active, I still don't even dare. I fear my parents. If I were to do something like that, my dad would kill every male within 10 miles of our house! -Sparky the WonderDog |
Date: 11/18/2003 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
well hun, I think your approach to this subject with your daughter is a very realstic and sensible one....pity, a few more mothers/fathers cant do the same, you are right about "abstinence" falling upon deaf ears when discussing this, its like anything in our growing up years..if you are told not to do something...makes it all the more exciting to do just that....good post ...hugs  |
Date: 11/18/2003 9:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 15070
I think you are a wonderful Mother! You taught "personal responsibility". I raised two daughters, (now 23 & 19 years old). I also have a tweleve year old son. I told all my children that I "would prefer they wait until marriage", BUT I also taught them BC. It has worked. My oldest daughter made me a Grandmother 7/5/02. AFTER 15 months of marriage! My girls never had STD's, or had to make a choice about a termination in pregnancy. I think teens are going to have sex. Our job is to protect them. Thank you for the excellent Debate  |
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Date: 11/18/2003 10:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
Thanks again to all for your input. Thanks especially to ZEMA and LADY SPIRIT GUIDE. Your mutual understanding is so much appreciated. Scall |
Date: 11/19/2003 3:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 34814
You are so doing the right thing!! Right on! She is armed with knowledge not pressure. Your a super Parent!!! I know my friends growing up who had parents that nailed no sex into their kids. Well they all had kids by 16. The ones with good parents waited and were safer. I know my parents were open and I always thought first. RIGHT ON!! Pat yourself on the back. Wish more parents would think outside the box. I have seen to many people mess up their lives, because it was sinful!  |
Date: 11/19/2003 6:18:00 AM
From Authorid: 57723
I'm 16 and My mother says i have to put myself on birth control. She never preached abstinence. If we wanna have sex were going to do it.  |
Date: 11/19/2003 10:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 53054
I am a teenager myself (17 years old) and i think that you have done the right thing, and that you should be really proud of your daughter for taking the courage to go out and protect herself...i have always been taught that protection is the best....in this day and age anyway! A lot of people still believce in the other one lolz i dont know how to spell it...and wont attempt...but i believe that tinems have changed and so have people and they do need to be taught what types of things can happen if they do not use protection....lolz i dunno whether this helps or not but i think that you have done the right thing in telling her all the stories about what can happen if she doesnt use protection sometimes that is the only way! *hugz* You should be a very proud mother....  |
Date: 11/20/2003 11:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 62408
I was always raised to wait until marriage... and I'm 25, and still a virgin. Granted, I've only recently started my first real relationship.. but I do believe its also the one that will last. I may be a late bloomer, but sometimes one love is all you need. Luckily, the man I have fallen in love with shares the same beliefs I do, although we do realize that could change as our relationship progresses. Granted, I do think abstinence should be encrouraged to the utmost degree as much as possible, but if its clear that your daughter is not going to wait, by all means, see that she has all the protection necessary to keep her safe. You can still make it known that you don't approve of what she's doing (if you don't at her age, which is natural for a mother to feel, I think I'd feel the same way in your shoes) But I do think that she will probably continue to be more open and honest with you if you keep the direct approach open. Let her know that while you may not necessarily approve, and you'd prefer she wait, as long as she feels she's ready, then she can handle the responsibilities. (example: if the co-pay isn't too expenive, or if she keeps going to the clinic, have her pay for the pill out of her own money, etc.) I know as a mother you wouldn't be overly strict on that and float a loan when necessary, but I think you can see where I'm coming from. Maybe also assure your daughter that there are other ways that she can be intimate in a relationship without having sex...Sometimes my b/f and I will just cuddle up in our PJ's or something light a few scented candles, and snuggle under a blanket on the sofa and watch TV.  |
Date: 11/22/2003 9:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
i have a 19 year old and you can't preach nothing to the little know-it-all monsters!! i think you did the right thing. the kids are going to to do whatever they want to do once they are out of your sight so why not protect them as much as possible? i know how i was at that age and nothing my mom said about waiting til marriage had any influence on me. i think what kept me from going too far was the fact that i had a baby, or 2 or 3 since i was 6 years old (brother, cousins.....) and i didn't want to get knocked up. that only lasted til i was 20! also, there wasn't any AIDS back then. well, if there was we hadn't heard about it yet. so, forget what people say. it doesn't really matter what you do, somebody is going to say you're wrong. she's your kid so you should know what to do. so tell all the "preachers" to mind their own business or they can be the ones to help wipe noses and butts when she gets pregnant! OH! i'm going totally off topic but you have a teenager so i thought you'd like this. my darling daughter asked me a few days ago if i would quit my job to take care of her baby while she works when she decides to have one!! she don't want to put it in daycare. SHE WORKS IN A DAYCARE! these kids crack me up!  |
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Date: 11/22/2003 9:37:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 62410
MOMA BUG: Thanks - I think that's why God gave us two ears - in one - out the other ;-) LOL! I can't believe she asked you quit your job! Sheesh - kids these days ;-) Scall |
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Date: 11/22/2003 10:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
Yea, i thought that was pretty cute. she even offered to "pay" me! YEA RIGHT! but, i guess i wasn't that crappy of a mom if she's wanting to stick her kid with me huh?! i don't think i would like full time babysitting my own grandkid though. i would have to make he/she/it! mind me. i want to be the kind of granny that spoils them and sends them home!! |
Date: 11/26/2003 9:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 36766
I don't think you're wrong, I think that's what parents should say instead of preaching about abstinence  |
Date: 11/27/2003 3:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 36967
If only she is using that incase of a rape, that will be different. Adstinence is the way, and it should be taught in the schools.
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