I don't know whether to confront this head on or not...

I'm 13 years older than my youngest sister, Andrea. We were always very close.

When she was very little I took her everywhere, people thought she was mine. I spent hours bike riding with her on the back of the bike in the baby seat. I even took her on dates with me when I was visiting home from college. We hung out, I took her to movies and she would come visit me in my apartment. I think she always looked up to me and she was a jr. bridesmaid in my wedding. She was always a cross between a daughter/friend/sister I guess.

About 5 years ago my husband went to Korea. Andrea was in college and since we were in the same town she moved in with me.

I was having uncontrolled seizures at that time which consisted of blacking out. One morning very early I woke my daughter up kicking her. I was in the middle of a grand mal seizure...my first ever.

I'm not sure of all that happened during that time. The grand mal was status (not stopping) and I was in and out of conscieness and having other seizures. I remember coming to and realized I was standing up trying to rip my clothes off....the clothes seemed to burning my skin. Andrea was trying to get me to lie down. At another point I sort of remember being very, very angry at Andrea..she thought I had calmed down and left the room, I followed because I think I was going to beat her up....I just remember a black rage I had no control over. She turned around and saw me right behind her and screamed, I screamed, she screamed, which sort of snapped me out of that phase.

I do remember she got me to the couch, where I went into another grand mal (took months for my tongue and back to heal from that!). Finally someone called the ambulance.. (it should have been called, much, much sooner!).

Andrea has never been the same toward me since. My mother thinks much more happened during that time that I of course can't remember (it was over a 2 hour period that much of this took place and I only remember bits and pieces..I do especially remember that feeling of awful rage, but that is more of a snapshot, I don't know exactly how long it lasted), but she claims Andrea hasn't told her all that transpired during that time.

We go months without talking and I get the feeling there is a huge well of resentment toward me..but I don't know why.

In a way I don't really want to know if I did anything else more horrible than what I can remember.

But I'm sad that we no longer have much of a relationship. I don't know whether I should call her and ask and if she does tell me what happened, I don't know how I can make it right...I mean, it was a medical condition and nothing personal against her. I really just don't know what to do. Maybe she'll come around after five years?? I don't think so though. For whatever reason I feel like things won't ever be the same whether I apologize or not.

I do know it traumatized her enough that she has a neurologist even though she doesn't have seizures! She wants to be prepared in case she ever does have a seizure. Guess it must have been pretty ugly.

So any advice?? Should I talk to her or not?

Show all stories by   Author:  15228 ( Click here )