= = = Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? = = =WOODEN NICKEL

Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

A: About eight beers.

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Seven Degrees of a Blonde

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."



SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"



FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."



SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.

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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out....." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

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Hugs can say I love you

or cheer you when you're blue

Hugs can reassure you and take away your fear

and they can say "I will miss you dear"

Hugs are a loving way to say Good-bye

and an excellent way to say Hi

They can chase away clouds of gray

and make a sunny day

They break through the language barrier

and serve to make life merrier

And the best thing about them is that when we give them away

We have a whole new supply for the next day

Hugs are Free!

So send them to everyone you know because everyone can use a hug!

Don't forget to send one back to the one who sent it to you.

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"A startling expose in this week's "U.S News and World Report." It seems our elite Secret Service counter assault team has been watching pornography on the White House satellite system instead of watching President Bush. That's the great thing about Clinton. When he was in office, they could do both." ---Jay Leno

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A pencil without lead could be considered pointless.

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Q:What do baby sweet potatoes sleep in?

A:Their yammies.

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Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Italians, but when they turn the corner there is an Italian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Italians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Italians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "yes, but they are so cute when they are little."

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This older musician only had moderate success in his field, but he was a wonderful music teacher. One day he had an inspiration and decided he could teach white mice to play classical music.

He assembled 16 mice and hand fashioned various instruments for each mouse.

He worked hard teaching the mice to play the 1812 Overture.

After three years he was ready to expose his symphony orchestra to the world.

He was granted an appointment with a famous talent agency, and appeared at their conference room of the Madison Avenue agency.

The mice assembled, picked up their little instruments, and proceeded to play the best 1812 Overture ever heard.

The conductor mouse took three bows, as did the 1st violinist.

The man, seeing his life's greatest achievement, turned to the head of the talent agency, and asked, "So, what do you think of my orchestra, sir?"

The agency boss said, "They are the greatest act I've ever seen. You are to be congratulated, but I can't book them, and that's final."

The man, with his heart broken asked, "But.. but, WHY can't you book them?"

The agency boss said in a whisper, "Because the drummer looks Jewish!"

====================

Guards escorted a handcuffed prisoner into the courtroom where I stood as the court deputy. "Is this a tough judge?" the prisoner asked the baliff. The baliff replied, "A tough but fair judge." "Yeah?" continued the prisoner. "How tough?" "The toughest judge since Pontius Pilate," the baliff replied. The prisoner answered, "I don't know him. I'm not from around here."

====================

A housewife called up a pet store and said, "Send me thirty-thousand cockroaches at once." "What in the world do you want with thirty-thousand cockroaches?" asked the astonished clerk. "Well," replied the woman, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them."

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"My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly'. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?" - Andy Rooney, on "Cripes"

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