= = = = married for 40 years = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver."

At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver - - to match her hair."

Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot."

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Bill says he is the conservative type who thinks women look better dressed modestly in long skirts and loose blouses. I almost believed him until one Saturday when we drove into town and came across a group of local students running a carwash as a fundraiser. Young women were everywhere in their bikinis, waving signs and washing cars. It was quite a sight and I said to Bill, "Look at those girls in their skimpy bikinis."

Casting an eye over at the carwash, Bill didn't say anything. A moment later, a smile came over Bill's face, and he said with a gleam in his eye, "I love summer."

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. A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand -- to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."

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Did you know that the word ALIMONY is really a contraction. Its short for - "all my money".

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A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, then they're not." The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!"

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?" The truck driver replies, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

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