This post has nothing to do with my girlfriend, shw is the only one that saves me and helps me through even the hardest of times.
It's to protect myself...I guess. I pretty much shut myself off. I stop feeling much of anything. Not too much matters anymore. To keep myself from feeling angry or sad or hurt or any number of bad things, I keep myself from feeling. Each time this happens, I feel somewhat stronger. In reality though I feel less. You could say I'm losing touch...I hope it doesnt get to the point where I no longer feel at all.
Each time I shut off, I go further, and each time it is more difficult to come back. This time, Im not sure...I just started coming out to the world again, feeling. It was nice, but Im drawing back in, I feel myself losing touch. Perhaps that's because each time, I never come completely back. It's like building a wall around a wall around a wall, until you are completely protected in a fortress of fear, burrowing deeper with each instance until you forget the way you possiby came. Some would say that's a good thing, that you dont let the world hurt you, but by now I realize that not feeling hurts much more than anything else. The worst thing is, I lose myself every day. I know that before, I've struggled with some of the worst feelings I've ever felt. Now, I expect, will be different. I wont feel anything, and in many ways it will be so much worse. You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
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ut i can totally relate, people can put me in the same situation, i 'numbed' myself toward other people for about two years, and i thought it helped but in the end i realized it didn't.... 
