= = = little johnny got his chance = = = WOODEN NICKEL

One day a man and his wife were both brutally killed by a car accident and they both went to heaven.when they got to heaven they found a long queue and the man, little johnny asked his friend paul what the queue was for. He told him that they were all waiting for their turn to be given cars...and the issuing of the cars was done in such a way that you were given a car based on whether you were faithful to your wife on earth or not...and being given given a beautiful and classy car, like a pajero meant that you were very faithful whereas being given an ugly car meant you were not all faithful.little johnny got his chance and was given a very, very beautiful car. On his way to show off to his friends he saw the shock of his life he went to see his friends with a very sad face.then paul asked him, my friend you should be celebrating because you have been very faithful to your wife and God knows that. the he said "why should i be celebrating, i just saw my one and only wife on roller skates pass by..........."

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A traveling preacher finds himself caught in a tremendous rainstorm. Within a few hours, the motel he's staying in is flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying. Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go, mister, into the boat." "I'll stay here," says the preacher. "The Lord will save me." An hour later, a second boat reaches the motel. "Sir, you better get in. The water is still rising." "No thanks," says the preacher. "The Lord is my salvation." Toward evening, the motel is almost completely under water, and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. "Hey buddy, get in the boat! This is your last chance." "I'm all right," says the preacher, looking toward heaven. I KNOW the Lord will provide." As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning, and the preacher is killed. When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, he is furious. "What happened?" he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!" Within seconds, a thunderous reply is heard: "Gimme a break, pal. I sent three boats!"

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A tourist on his way to Tuscaloosa, came to a fork in the road, and stopped. There was no sign indicating which route went where. Spotting a boy by the road, he yelled out, "Hey, kid, does it matter which road I take to Tuscaloosa?" "Not to me, it don't." replied the boy.

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A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of CRAP and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more CRAP, he reached the second branch. Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. A farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree, promptly spotted him. Moral of the story: Bull CRAP might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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A Ukrainian "pan" (wealthy merchant) and a Jew happen to travel in the same compartment of a train. And, as always in cases like this, the Ukrainian is only happy to show his spite to everything Jewish, so this is how their discussion goes: Pan: "You know, sir, I have a habit of using three sorts of newspapers when travelling: one Ukrainian which I read, the other Russian which I use to wrap my breakfast in, and the Jewish one which I use to wipe myself when I use a toilet." Jew: "Aren't you afraid, with all due respect, that this way your behind is apt to become more clever than your head?"

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A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking at the exotica, he notices a very life like life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner How much for the bronze rat.$12 for the rat, $100 for the story, says the owner. The tourist give the man $12.Ill just take the rat, you can keep the story. As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crowled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. Tis is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned. The man walks back to the curio shop.Ah ha says the owner,you have come back for the story? No, says the man,I came back to see if you have a bronze republican.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Campaign Slogans

Not Just Another Overpaid Celebrity Taking Advantage of Name Recognition and the Resulting Glut of Free Media Coverage

Your Vote Could Help Prevent Him From Making "Last Action Hero 2"

Of Course He's Sincere: We Already Know He Can't Act

It's Not a Toomah, It's ze Defizit!

Vote for Me or "I'll Be Back" Next Election With Even More Annoying Slogans

The Closest Thing to a Bulletproof Kennedy

Schwarzenegger: Be Thankful I'm Not a Write-In Candidate

I'm a Friend of Gray Davis. I Was Told That He's Here. Could I See Him, Please?

Free Water and Electricity From Oregon, or I'll Kick Their Governor's BUTT!

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Q: What would you call two banana skins?

A: A pair of slippers

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I bought a circus and got a fair deal. I ran into problems right away:the truck driver refused to tow the lion; the lion ate a clown but it tasted funny; and there was a huge fire and the heat was in tents. The human cannonball got fired. It was hard to find another of the same caliber.

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A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Always be well informed in your job or you might miss a great opportunity!

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