I have this friend, I’ll call her X. I’ve known since primary school. She’s a sweet person with a good heart. I can trust her with my life. In fact, I can trust her with my children’s lives. I know she’d never let me down. But, knowing how she is, I don’t like her getting too close. She can be a clingy, turns up uninvited and outstays her welcome; she stayed 7 hours once, much to my dismay! The clinginess is suffocating and the last two, I feel, are just plain rude and inconsiderate. There’s something else about her which my other school friends and I couldn’t quite put our finger on. It’s hard to describe but you’d sense it if you were to meet her.
My husband met her for the first time 4 years ago (I’d not seen her since leaving school). So, after that, whenever he knew she was visiting (and I prayed she wouldn’t stay beyond 2 hours which is all I can cope with), he’d go off to my mum’s and say, “Ring me when she’s gone.” This was crazy as there was always the danger, I wouldn’t see him for the rest of the day going well into the evening! Plus our normal family routine is disrupted. I asked my husband what it was he didn’t like about X and he said, “I don’t, not like her. I feel we have nothing in common.” I said, “Well, when Y (my other friend) comes to visit and after you’ve said hello, you go into the other room to leave us chat. What makes you want to “escape” when X comes?” He said, “I think it’s because she’s “socially naïve”. This seemed to match what my other school friends and I couldn’t put our finger on.
These last couple of years, since my husband’s worked away a couple of times when he was contracting, I’ve managed to keep X at a bearable distance by regularly maintaining contact via letter writing and sms messaging on our cell phones. But, today she’s just sms’d me asking when would be the best time to see me. I not sure what to do! My husband is working 12 hour shifts and doesn’t get home till after 8pm. Also, there’s no pattern to his shifts so the days he works are never the same each week which blew out my opportunity to attend any evening classes because I can’t commit to a same day/every week situation. I’m busy with my children, their homework, cooking and housework from the moment I come in from work till the boys go to bed. She could come over when my husband is off work but he’ll disappear, leaving me looking after the boys as well as trying to entertain my guest and his return will depend upon her departure! I know the ideal solution is to go to see her instead. At least then, I’m in control of how long I can stay and two hours is about reasonable so I wouldn’t exceed that amount of time. But how can I convey this to her without actually saying how her presence in my home affects my husband? Or should I just tell her as gently as possible? You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
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