outbreak of bottled up feelings --IcyFire

You're confused about the meaning (if any) behind every one's actions. Every word, every breath, feels more like a lie each time. Honesty was all you ever put out, yet deception was all your lungs were offered to breathe in from each soul. You don't understand why everything has to be this way.

He tells you a story and you wonder if it's all a lie. He looks away and fidgets with his fingers, scanning the room for something worth looking at. Your eyes are set on his, and only his, searching deeper into him, hoping to find any truth that they may show. Every now and then, he'll glance to you, only for a second, nervous and afraid. You know he never means to hurt you, but that doesn't matter when all you feel is your heart as all of it's contents leak away, dripping down your warm bones. The pain is all you feel and that's all that matters. He has hurt you one last time.

The emotions boil inside of you, anxious to escape from the small box that you store them in, deep within yourself. It's just following routine as each drop gathers into something bigger and stronger. Your heart will stop if you don't release these insides. Can't you see that this isn't the only way?

There is always more than one solution to a problem, unless your life is nothing but y intercepts and algebraic functions. But these thoughts are real, and are more than just numbers, so why can't you see that there is more than just one way out?

You only know of one "solution" to this problem. That is to cry in an empty room and think to yourself, reaching out to no one. You don't know what else to do. Not a single person noticed, lended a hand or a shoulder, not a single person cared. You don't know what else to do.

Finally, when you've had enough, the shield breaks, and every emotion you ever held inside of you pours out with amplified hatred and uncontroled sadness. This has triggered a complete change in you, one that you cannot do anything about. You have let this go on for too long, and finally a breaking point leads you to deal with these emotions through unnecessary actions and hurtful words. You do not mean for these things to be so harsh, but the blood in your veins is powered by bottled up emotions and there is no stopping now.

You have ruined everything you once cared for, and now that the outbreak is over and the damage is done, you grasp for breath in your worn out lungs. Your once angry shouts turn to helpless cries and this time you are left completely alone, even more than before. You realize what you have done and there is no way to make up for this pain. It's all too late now.

On this night, you walk slowly through the empty streets and silent trees, searching for something of meaning. New beginnings cry out to you, and for once, you decide to take them. Moving on is the only thing that you have now, and you've realized that crying won't solve a thing. With such horrible endings, come new beginnings, and for once, you have opened your eyes to see this.

--IcyFire
**8/19/03

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