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= = = Don't be deceived by his looks = = =WOODEN NICKEL

  Author:  27583  Category:(Humor) Created:(8/13/2003 7:44:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1062 times)

The ad in the local newspaper read: "Purebred Police Dog, $25". Thinking that to be a great bargain, a woman ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van pulled up and left her the mangiest looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad. "What do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't be deceived by his looks, Ma'am," he replied. "He's in the Secret Service."

======================

Angel Of The Morning

I'm the Morning Angel, I help you start your day. I'm the sugar in your coffee cup, The bulb that lights your way. I'm the refreshing water, You splash upon your face. I'm the one that helps you find Your worn out old briefcase.

I'm the rays of sunshine, Dancing on your floor. I'm the gentle nudge you need, To get you out the door.

I know you think you're not ready yet, To tackle a brand new day.... But remember that I'm here with you... Let's just get through today.

====================

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to poverty and starvation, he began to weep.

As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. God went down into the water and reappeared with a wonderful golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" God asked.

The woodcutter said, "No."

God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked.

The woodcutter said, "No."

God went down again and came up with the woodcutter's old iron axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked.

The woodcutter said, "Yes."

God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.

One day the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river and was swept away. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"My wife has fallen into water."

God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife?" God asked.

"Yes," the woodcutter said.

God was furious. "Once you were an honest man - but now you have become a liar and a cheat!!"

The man quickly said, "Forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. If I say 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say 'No' to her, you will finally come up with my wife, and I will say, 'Yes.' Then you will give all the three to me! I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after all the three. So, that's why I had to say 'Yes!'

===================

. Billy receives his homework back from the teacher. At the top it says that the homework was unsatisfactory and he must to do it again. He bursts out, "Well, that sucks!!!" The teacher called his mother and told her that Billy has to do his homework over and some additional work because Billy used inappropriate language. Whereas the mother replied, "Boy, that sucks, what did he say?"

======================

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

=====================

"MY BEING FOR LIVING IS JESUS, MY GOD AND SAVIOUR."

READ ONLY IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR GOD

God, when I received this e-mail, I thought...I don't have time for this...And, this is really inappropriate during work.

Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is... Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today.

We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning... Maybe, Sunday night... And, the unlikely event of a midweek service. We do like to have Him around during sickness... And, of course, at funerals.

However, we don't have time, or room, for Him during work or play... Because... That's the part of our lives we think... We can, and should, handle on our own.

May God forgive me for ever thinking... That... there is a time or place where...

HE is not to be FIRST in my life. We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us.

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father."

Not ashamed? Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!! Yes, I do Love God. HE is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)

THE POEM I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due. So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, And jumped up off my knees. My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease. All day long I had no time To spread a word of cheer. No time to speak of Christ to friends, They'd laugh at me I'd fear. No time, no time, too much to do, That was my constant cry, No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to die. I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life. God looked into his book and said "Your name I cannot find. I once was going to write it down... But never found the time"

Easy vs. Hard.

Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie?

Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?

Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so Easy to talk about nasty stuff?

Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine But yet so easy to look at a nasty one?

Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail but Yet we forward all of the nasty ones?

Why are the churches getting smaller but yet The bars and dance clubs are getting larger?

Do you give up? Think about it ...

Just remember-God is watching you. Prayer Wheel-Let's see the devil stop this one!

Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one.... There are no costs, but wonderful rewards... GOD BLESS!

May God keep you and bless you.

JESUS LOVES YOU!

=====================

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 8/13/2003 7:50:00 PM  From Authorid: 38095    Enlightening as always, WN   
Date: 8/13/2003 7:53:00 PM  From Authorid: 36994    I loved all of these! Thank you very much for posting this up Wooden Nickel   
Date: 8/13/2003 8:31:00 PM  From Authorid: 54570    good ones  
Date: 8/13/2003 9:29:00 PM  From Authorid: 45948    Wonderful post! Love,  
Date: 8/13/2003 9:38:00 PM  From Authorid: 48250    These were All Very Nice as Always Wooden Nickel.., Thank You for Sharing...God Bless...T/C...  

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