= = =Now home from honeymoon = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Cooking diary:

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately" The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night.

Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. ( oh boy) For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

Sunday: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with "Chocolate Moose."

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On the 8th Day God decided to have people to protect the land. He made some to protect the sea but they turned out so ugly he put them in tight suits no man could wear and decided to leave them at sea so no real man could see them. Then he tried to make another service to protect his land, but they turned out so lazy he turned his back on his hand in pocket disrespecting Army. Then out of anger he grabbed some of the laziest and silliest looking and dressed them in powder blue uniforms and called them the coast guard. Then in a flash he had the idea of the perfect protector His uniform would be so sharp you could shave with it, with boots so shiny you could see yourself, to these he put all his honor and courage and decided they would protect all his sea and land. To these great man he gave the name Marine and to all he saw he was in control. After God made this Man he looked about in sadness for he overlooked one thing. He didn't make a uniform for himself. To this one Marine replied, "Sorry God but not just anyone can be a Marine."

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A man was celebrating his 80th birthday and his 50th wedding anniversary. A reported asked, "Sir, how do you account for looking so fit?" "Well," the old-timer told him, "when we got married, my wife and I made an agreement that any time we saw an argument coming on, I would grab my hat and walk three times around the block. You'd be surprised what 50 years of outdoor exercise will do for your health!"

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A man was driving in his car when all of the sudden a rooster ran out in front of him. He tried to miss it, but unfortunately ran over the rooster and killed it. He decided that he should go tell the farmer, so he got out of his car and walked across the road to the farm. He walked up to the front door and knocked. The farmer came to the door and the man said, "I'm afraid I've killed your rooster, please let me replace him. "The farmer said, "Please yourself, the hens are out the back."

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WE ARE THE WORLD If there were only 100 people on earth, it would look something like this... There would be: 57 Asians 21 Europeans 24 From the Western Hemisphere - both North and South 8 Africans

52 would be female. 48 would be male. 70 would be non-white. 30 would be white.

70 would be non-christian. 30 would be christian. 6 people would be from the U.S. 6 would possess 59% of the wealth 80 would live in decent housing. 70 would be unable to read.

50 would suffer from malnutrition. 1 would be near death. 1 would be near birth. 1 would have a college education.

When I first read these statistics, I was floored. They really make me feel small in a very large world. We have so much to appreciate. There are many others in this world who are not blessed with the life we are able to enjoy.

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Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ? A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the heCK those Tomahawks are coming from !

Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,000.

Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ? A: B-52...F-16...A-10

Q: What is Iraq's national bird ? A: Duck

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ? A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive.

Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....

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Israeli police are looking for a man name Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of an ex-nun from Barcelona and a German father. He was a former flutist and worked occasionally as a farmer.

In short, he was a Haifa-lootin, flutin Teuton, son of a nun from Barcelona, part time plowboy Joe.

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