= = = Top Ten College Sports Jokes= = = WOODEN NICKEL

1) What does the average Stanford University player get on his SATs? Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a University of Southern California cheerleader into your dorm room? Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a Nebraska graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

(5) Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

(6) Why is the Vanderbilt football team like a opossum? Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Florida State football player's life? His freshman year.

(8) How many Arizona State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? None . . . That's a sophomore course at ASU..

(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco? Berkley, California . . . He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....:

(10) Why did Oregon State choose orange as their team color? You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and .... picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

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"It was reported this week that president Bush's approval ratings are dropping fast, they are now at 62%, down from a high of 69%. When asked to comment, president Bush just kept giggling at the number 69."

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An Italian man immigrates to America. He starts sweeping floors in a pizzeria, and after 15 years works his way up to owning a small chain of pizzerias. Now that he is wealthy he decides to have a huge house designed and built for him... And it is going to have everything! One day he is talking to the contractor and says, "Make a you sure you puta plenty da halo statues inna da house. I wanna hava lotsa da halo statues. One inna every room, even da bathroom." The contractor assumes his client is very religious and carefully plans a niche in every room. He even personally searches for the perfect statue for each niche. Finally, the house is finished. The Italian man walks through his new home for the first time. The contractor points out all the features, and finally the Italian man says, "But wherea are alluh my halo statues? I wanna lotsa halo statues!" The contractor points to the niches and says, "I put a statue in every room, like you asked." The Italian replies, "No, no, no! I donna no wanna nonea da Saintas. I wanna da halo statues! You knowa da halo statues es? Deya ring anda you picka dem up, anna you say, 'halo, stat you?"

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To a wedding you walk . . . to a divorce you run.

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Why did the lady hold her ears when she passed the chickens? Because she didn't want to hear their fowl language.

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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

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Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down." And he did!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!" So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down!" And he did!

The straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said "Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses and we're scared!!!" So the brick pig let them in.

The wolf caught up with them and said "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down." While he was huffing and puffing, the straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and called a friend. A few minutes passed and all of a sudden this big, black stretch limo drove up.

Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras. These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and beat the living HECK out of him. Then, one of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf's mouth. Then they left the wolf dead, got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and the stick pig were amazed!!! They asked the brick pig, "Who the heCK were those guys?

And the brick pig said "Oh, those are my cousins...the Guinea Pigs."

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