= = = ask God a question. = = = WOODEN NICKEL

A man walking in the woods decided to ask God a question. "God," the man said. "What is a million years to you?' "What is a million years to you, is just a second to me." "What is a million dollars to you?" "What is a million dollars to you is just a penny to me." "So God," the man said. "Can I have a penny? "Sure. Just a sec."

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A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind, him, and as he sits the waitress comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" asks the waitress. "I'll have the same." says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment. The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke " and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be 12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live! "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs.

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Statement of love: the kiss

kiss on the hand i adore you kiss on the cheek i just want to be friends kiss on the neck i want you kiss on the lips i love you kiss on the ears i am just playing kiss anywhere else lets not get carried away look in your eyes kiss me

playing with your hair i can't live without you hand on your waist i love you to much to let you go

The three steps: girls if any guys gets fresh with you, slap him. guys if any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.

guys & girls close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

The commandments: thou shall not squeeze too hard. thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one. thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

Here are a few reasons why guys like girls: they will always smell good even if its just shampoo the way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder how cute they look when they sleep the ease in which they fit into our arms the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world how cute they are when they eat the way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside the way they look good no matter what they wear the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth how cute they are when they argue the way her hand always finds yours the way they smile the way you feel when you see their name on the call id after you just had a big fight

the way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....

the way they kiss when you do something nice for them the way they kiss you when you say "i love you" actually ... just the way they kiss you...

the way they fall into your arms when they cry then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly

the way they hit you and expect it to hurt then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!

the way they say "i miss you" the way you miss them the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....

yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you.

when you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart.

we love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. it is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. a feeling. only felt.

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.



After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.



The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.



At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.



He proceeded to talk up a storm.



Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:



1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.



2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.



3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.



4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.



6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.



7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.



8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sTUFF out of him.



10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."



11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .



13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

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