= = = = IM BACK = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

A short quiz & some observations...

Do you know who, in 1923 was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least, they found the secret of making money. Now almost 80 years later, do you know what became of these men?

1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane. 3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself. 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, committed suicide.

In that same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won both the US Open and PGA Championship. He died in 1999 at the age of 95, played golf until he was 92, and was financially solvent at his death.

Conclusion: Stop worrying about business and start playing golf.

==================

The soldier was tired and sleepy from a long train ride in a miserable old-day coach. On top of this, two fussy old ladies were keeping him awake with argument about a window. One wanted it closed and the other wanted it open. This fuss finally brought the conductor. "Conductor," said one, "if that window is opened, I'll just freeze to death!"

"And if it is kept closed," whined the other, "I'll suffocate."

The poor conductor didn't know what to do and finally turned to the GI for help. "What would you do, soldier, if it were a military problem?"

"In the Army we handle such problems like a double-prong attack. Open the window and freeze one of them, then close it and suffocate the other."

===========================

"What did Father say when he learned you're pregnant?" asked little Mary's mother.

Little Mary answered, "Should I leave out the profanity?"

"Yes, of course!" Mary's mom replied.

"Nothing."

=======================

"All I Did Was Tell Her"

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all I did was tell her!"

=======================

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

=======================

Holemak Cards : What Hallmark Doesn't Print!

2. My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

6. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret about it, she moved in with me.

7. You totaled your car and can't remember why. Could it have been, that whole case of Bud Dry?

====================

Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water," he replied.

Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here )