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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 7/21/2003 10:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
Firstly...let me say that Shyness is a whole lot more common that some people realise. And with the fast paced world, its likely to grow...because everyones just too busy with the hussle and bussle of every day life to stop and chat a while with someone. The internet can be a good place to 'trial' some techniques...because its non-threatening (most of the time) and ya can always just 'click out' of a website/chatroom etc if it gets too much for you. So perhaps just frequent the chatroom here in USM or similar. Or if thats too much, then maybe have a go replying to a number of topics and creating discussion where you can grow more comfortable interacting with people. What about going out with friends?? Like to a movie or something. Movies are good, for you are kinda in a social setting (theatre with other people) but also not (in the dark, and they are focussed on the movie, not you) so it can be a way to just get used to other people being around you, in your space as it were, which can sometimes be one of the triggers/aggitators of shyness. Also...one of the awkward things about shyness is the moments of silence in conversation...so it pays to keep up with the play with current events, watching the news, reading papers etc to help provide 'conversation material' to fill in the gaps. Also, keep in mind that no-one in this world is a great conversationalist 100% of the time...we all have our 'dull' moments...so please don't fear not being able to keep people enthralled in what you might be saying...hey, we all have off days. Courage however is a big thing...even when those butterflies kick in, sometimes ya just gotta feel the fear and do it anyway...it does generally get easier over time, with practise and experience. As for Social Anxiety Disorder...that again is pretty common, so maybe contact some place in your area, maybe there is a Anxiety Disorders Support group or something that may be able to help you, or give you a better understand of what it is. Either way...wish you the best. Peace,  |
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Date: 7/21/2003 10:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 62146
Well go for medication to treat social anxiety if you have it though I use to be so shy but I guess I was so angery and sick of being shy that conferdence just burst from me I was more angery at the fact that i use to be conferdent until I was picked on at school for not being perfect enaf and people seemed happy with what they had done to me and the thought of that just really made me mad so I burst free from that shyness. Well it is hard to explane just egnore all thoughs voices that make you worry just basicly think to yourself stut up when that voice says what if this happens what if this person will be mean. It works trust me on this or be around people that make you feel good about yourself because that will give you conferdence. No just egnore people who bring you down because you know better. If nothing orks then get the medication cus you could have a form of anxiety. *Cosmic Freak*  |
Date: 7/21/2003 11:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 53427
I'm pretty shy myself. It is very hard to overcome. I am not working at the moment and at times I really dread going back to work. And a large part of my fear of returning to work is dealing with other people. I have heard so many good things about Paxil and the other types of medications for social anxiety but I haven't tried any. I'd love to though. I wish that I didn't feel this way. It is really tough. If its any consolation to you, at least you know you aren't the only one dealing with these feelings. Good luck to you  |
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Date: 7/21/2003 11:37:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 38119
I don't have problems being around large groups of people. I've been to the movies alot of times. It's just when a group of people are having a conversation nearby. Today at work, three of my coworkers were having a conversation. It made me really uncomfortable because I felt left out, so I pretended that I was reading a magazine. I didn't know how to be a part of the conversation. Agent Smith, I've heard that one of the main reasons that shyness has increased is because of the internet; their social skills atrophy. Snookums, I understand how hard it is to break the habit of avoidance. You should just throw yourself back into work and give yourself a couple of weeks to re-adjust to the work world.  |
Date: 7/22/2003 1:46:00 AM
From Authorid: 16845
talk to the doc about social anxiety....but as for the shyness been there done that...you know what helped me? I mean seriously? a speech class I had to take first semester of college....where your forced to talk....ok I use to the be person who would practically vomit infront of people.....I managed to pull an A in the class and since then....when having to present or talk to people I don't know YES I get nervous....BUT once I start talking I'm completely fine....I hated it at the time but that class truly did wonders for me!  |
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Date: 7/22/2003 4:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 21867
...hmmm...I can see the point about the Internet...though I think its like anything, its all in how you use it. If you spend all your time on the net, then of course actually social (face to face) skills are kinda gonna slip away. But the net can help...many people I know have grown in confidence via chatting online...the anonimity the net provided gave them the safety they needed to build their confidence around interacting with others, to recognise that their opinions did matter and to gain the courage and drive to voice their opinions. I personally think you're doing pretty well here...it takes bravery to come out and tell people you have a problem at all, be it on the net or in real life...so good on you for that. Peace, |
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Date: 7/22/2003 6:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 62136
I know where you are coming from...its took me 26 years to break from shyness, but not completely. I dont think I will ever be free from shyness. I am now only shy around people I dont know...unless they express a personality open mindedness that I can pick up on right away then I am comfortable. I either get it or I dont. Eventually(now realizing) I finally started gaining confidence from people who were so open and confident themselves that it was like, "oh, here is a strong personality, I am going to latch on to that and go with it" I dont know how else to describe that lol. I guess you could say I fed off of strong personalities that didnt care who you were, where you were from, you were always accepted. I also kind of fed off others like me(shy and quiet) that came to my territory(my home..my comfortable space) and I did what I could to get them to open up and make them feel comfortable. I still do this. Heehee, a lot of times, I will start off quiet then BAM! I kick in to shocker mode and I suck quiet people in. LOL! I am having a really hard time explaining this here...I am not a fruit loop, trust me Just...different. lol!I guess my adivce is to find a moment that you feel confident when you normally wouldnt and branch off from there. It gets easier over time. Sorry if I confused anyone ~ZooKeeper~  |
Date: 7/22/2003 6:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 33925
My son has Social Anxiety Disorder and is also extremely shy..Has been all of his 16 years..I worry constantly about him..He was on meds at one time, but chose to wean himself from them last spring..Now he wont even leave the house..I wish I knew what to give to you for advice, but I too am at a loss here..with my son.  |
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Date: 7/22/2003 11:50:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 38119
Becky, I did take a speech class since it's a core requirement. I actually enjoyed it, for the most part. That class didn't really make me nervous because I knew that giving speeches was the whole point of the class. Giving speeches is not one of my major anxieties because I don't really see it as a social activity. It's social activities that I have problems with. |
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