Artificial Pleasures -Running Wolf-

He put months of pressure upon me
Months of badgering and pestering
Saying that he was attracted to me
And that he wanted to share something special
With me alone
I knew it was crap
Another desperate lie
To get with someone who would give him a chance
He said he was confused about where we were going
And assured me that this would straighten things out
Liar
I can’t believe I caved under the pressure
I can’t believe I gave in
Why didn’t I resist?
Why didn’t my obstinacy kick in?
And scream for both of us to stop
Sure it was gratifying for a while
Until it all sunk in
I knew the whole thing was a sham
Right from the beginning
But deep within
It was still nice to know that someone cared enough
To want to know me intimately
And share a unique moment
I let him trample on me
And erase my convictions
All so he could get what he wanted
Ten minutes of pleasure
While I’m stuck with an eternity of pain
And confusion because I didn’t want it
And I don’t understand why I let it happen
I know how he is
Why did I think this was something different?
He stole what I wasn’t ready to sacrifice
Not him
Not now
And I can’t ever get my dignity back
I’m just a toy now
Only good for one thing
And everyone will know what I did
They’ll gasp and ask “Prude little Jennifer?”
It’s impossible
She’s so much smarter than that
Oh well, another teen wasted away
I don’t want to be like everyone else
I don’t want to be wasted
Someone help me get back to the way things used to be
Someone just hold me and tell me everything will be okay
Tell me that I’m good for so much more
Than what I’ve done
But now it’s finished and over with
I can’t go back in time
I’ll have to live with what I did
And realize that I am human
I made a mistake
And I’m paying the consequences
By drowning in this flood of emotion and regret
And in the future
This will be my lighthouse
That will lead me to my haven
When the shores of confusion and choices
Are too much too jagged to bear
I can’t give up now
I have to fight and win this battle
I can’t let him know how much this haunts me
But I can survive
And learn to never give into
Artificial pleasures

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