= = = Women Bashing = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Women Bashing (just being a bit catty)

She goes to all parties incognito -- No leash

They even made a movie about her sex life --"The Night of the Living Dead"

She's not pushing forty --She's dragging it!

I'm not saying she's fat --But I could have sworn I heard her calves "moo"

She's been "Born again" --Trouble is, she came back as herself

I'm not saying she's narrow minded...Then again, she only wears one earring

Although the doctor said she didn't have ulcers --Her husband insists she's a carrier

I'm not saying she's a pushy broad...But I hear she took private lessons from Hillary

She inherited her beauty --Her Father left her the family's drugstore

She sez her face is her fortune --I agree, but she oughta keep it in a vault

I wouldn't exactly say she was fat --She's just a little broad shouldered around the hips

Personally, I think she overdid the diet bit --She could be a poster girl for a famine

She always sez "Talk is Cheap" --She oughta know; I think she gets it wholesale

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"I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just someONE with a flashlight, bringing me more work."

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How do Italians count? 1, 2, 3, another, another, another...

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How can you tell if an Italian plane is on the runway? It's the one with hair under the wings.

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God is Crazy About You. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

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No one should live by the 'early bird' policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.

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You are not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

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The hardest part of dieting isn't watching what you eat, it's watching what your friends eat.

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Johnny came home all excited one day running into the kitchen tugging on his mothers apron wanting to know how much water a mouse had in it. Mother, not really knowing what to say, she tried to brush it aside by asking Johnny why he wanted to know. Johnny replied,"Well, one ran up the teachers dress at school today and when she clamped her legs together, I'll bet she squeezed a whole gallon out of that little ole' mouse."

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"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah heck, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years!"

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After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Don't take me serious...I'M NOT KIDDING!!!!!

When you're in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut!

If you don't know what procrastination is just look up the definition tomorrow.

The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship Bureau].

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he makes so many of them.

"The way to get to the top is to get off your bottom."

"I'd send my dog to one of those new pet psychiatrists -- but he knows he's not allowed on the couch."

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This is a sad, sad day. There will be no more Ole and Lena jokes. Lena died last week She requested she be buried at sea. Ole drowned while digging the grave.

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The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don't drive any better during the week

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