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I need help here, please!

  Author:  47508  Category:(General Advice) Created:(7/20/2003 5:25:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1217 times)

Hello again,

ReginaBean here once again. My son just got out of a detox for 7 days off of Heroin. We were hoping he would be willing to go to a 28 day rehab, but he seems to think he is cured and that he just wants to see a counselor one on one. He said from what he saw in the detox center he will never touch the stuff again.

We are having a hard time believing this. He has been on it for around 8 months on a daily basis. I can't see how 7 days would cut a habit like that and be that easy. Even the detox unit recommended a 28 day program, but he refused. He says he wants to do it his way as far as recovery.

They told him to stay away from people, places and things. Well that lasted two days. He was picked up by a friend of his earlier and now he called and said he has no ride home now. Long Story!!! He was supposed to go to a meeting tonight too, and I was supposed to take him because I can't trust him to go himself or to have the car. This is not a good beginning to his so-called recovery.

I don't think it will be long until he is drug back in from his friends, he may not use heroin maybe, but something else. Alcohol comes to mind definitely. He is 22 years old and has his rights about where or how to handle his sobriety and recovery, but what about his parents? We have to lay down the law or else he cannot live with us anymore. If he wanted help like he said he did, I would think he would go to all measures, and he just wants to go halfway, maybe not even that.

Should we throw him out if he does not go to a rehab,meetings etc? That may be our only choice, if he is only out for two days and he is already out with his friends, who use, some of them anyway.

Love, ReginaBean

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Replies:      
Date: 7/20/2003 5:40:00 PM  From Authorid: 53689    I know most with most parents, the first thing that comes to mind when they feel helpless is "if he doesn't change he can't live with us"...I'm not saying you are wrong, but I know from seeing my friends in high school, that kicking them out of the house only makes it worse. When they feel like their parents don't care anymore and all is hopeless..they will immediately turn to drugs for comfort. I saw it happen with many of my close friends. The drugs made the pain go away. Have you sat down and calmly and lovingly talked to your son? Tell him you worry about him and his future. That you will do what it takes to help him get through this. I know this is hard for you just as it is for him.  
Date: 7/20/2003 5:41:00 PM  From Authorid: 53689    Most importantly, make sure he knows that you love him.  
Date: 7/20/2003 5:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 62163    ohh i'm so sorry for you but sign him up for the counsler you want him to have. let him have his friends and him have a gathering place near by and set up a camera. keep at least an eye on him or have your friends that are true friends follow him where he go's. secertivly thou!.if the problem persits then yes kick him out. -bushidoblade message me if you need more help  
Date: 7/20/2003 5:48:00 PM  From Authorid: 62262    I wish that I knew what to tell you, but I don't. I know what it is like to have an addiction, and if it wasn't for my sister and her boyfriend I don't think I would be here right now. I did cocain for almost 5 month. I found myself sick, broke, homeless, and 20lbs under weight! The only thing that saved me was getting out of that town. Do you have any family members that he could go visit for a month or so. I am not saying ship him off, but sometimes people need a little break. Give him his space. Talk to him about it. Sometimes it helps. Will he talk to you about it? I wish the best for you and your family. Be strong!  
Date: 7/20/2003 5:51:00 PM  From Authorid: 62262    Tarheel made alot of excellent points!  
Date: 7/20/2003 5:53:00 PM  From Authorid: 28848    I have a feeling that if you throw him out it may turn into a decision that you very much regret. Isn't there a way that you can have him committed to a program against his will? I would look into this option. He may hate you for it in the beginning but in the end you would be saving his life.  
Date: 7/20/2003 6:00:00 PM  From Authorid: 53689    Thanks 62262, unfortunately it came from too much experience with friend who were hooked on drugs. When their parents turned them away, I was one of the people that had to help them break the addiction. It isn't easy and many people give up on drug users way to easy thinking there is nothing they can do...but if you stick with it, you can help them. Reginabean...I know this is rough and I wish you the best. Please have patience...it may take a while but you can help your son.  
Date: 7/21/2003 8:54:00 AM  From Authorid: 53284    Maybe you need to look into finding a support group for families of drug users. Perhaps Al-anon would be a place that can put you in touch with such a group. As long as you son hangs out with his old friends he will have a very difficult time staying clean.  

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