Somebody Just Shoot Me...Please? ¤Frankenstein¤

I really didn't want to have to go out today because it's so hot and humid I can't breathe. It's something like a 100F and 100% humidity. It's miserable. Well, I ended up going out, anyway but I didn't go far. I just went down to a little convenient store to get some cigarettes.

Bridenstein went in with me and all was well until I was confronted by a drunk guy. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't being threatening or anything. He was just crazy. I told her to go and wait for me in the car while I dealt with him. She doesn't need to be around people like that.

He said, "Is it a.m. or p.m.?" I said, "It's p.m." He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "No, it's a.m." The old, black guy who was with him, said, "See, I told you! It's p.m.!" The drunk and I went back and forth like that for a minute and he kept insisting that it was a.m. and that his buddy and I were crazy. I finally asked him what day it was. That cracked up the two Indian guys who own the place. He said, "It's Wednesday." "No, it's Thursday and it's p.m.," I said. "All of this nonsense is giving me PMS or AARP or something." There's an important lesson to be learned from all of this. Don't smoke.

I tried for five hours this morning to find a dentist for my other half but I had no luck. Nobody could work her in even though I explained that it was urgent. I even told one lady that if we didn't get that tooth fixed we could probably never have kids and I'd have to leave my fortune (five dollars) to some gypsies or something. She asked me what a toothache had to do with fertility and I explained that you can't get too cozy with someone who's in agony. I can see it now in technicolor. I know what's going to happen. I'm going to drop dead and those gypsies are going to take my five dollars down to that convenient store and try to tell a drunk what time it is. There's an important lesson to be learned from this. Don't smoke.

I was playing billiards online and I distracted this guy to the point of losing. It's hard to win when you're laughing. I put the hoodoo on him. Bear in mind that this guy was about sixty, I think. I asked him if I could call him, 'Barbara'. He said, "Sure, sometimes, people call me that." I said, "Sometimes my girlfriend calls me at three in the morning. It always wakes my wife up and ticks her off royally." There's an important lesson to be learned from this. I can't remember what it is, though. I'm going to think about it over a smoke and then I'll let you know if I think of it.

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