= = I've decided I'm going to be a minister = = wooden nickel

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister? "Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."

====================

EXCLAMATION POINT

In my life,

I have met all types of people.

? * , ; ? , :*

Some folks,

I found I couldn't trust.

I consider them real

questionable characters.

? ? ? ? ???

Others, valued possessions

over friendships.

Their lives seem to be ruled

by a dollar sign.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

@ , "" ()#>

Occasionally, I'll run across

a person who is a friend

in the truest form;

one who is trustworthy

and knows that friendship is

the most valuable thing

in the world!

@ , "" ()#>

This person never ceases to

brighten my day.

& ? <^$~.

I consider friends like that the

Exclamation Points

of my life!

!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!

Thank you for being an

Exclamation Point

and a true friend!

==========================

My daily wish is that we may See good in those who pass our way;

Find in each a worthy trait That we shall gladly cultivate;

See in each one passing by The better things that beautify

A softly spoken word of cheer, A kindly face, a smile sincere.

I pray each day that we may view The things that warm one's heart anew;

The kindly deed that can't be bought That only from good are wrought,

A burden lightened here and there, A brother lifted from despair,

The aged ones freed from distress; The lame, the sick, brought happiness.

Grant that before each sun has set We'll witness deeds we can't forget;

A soothing hand to one in pain, A sacrifice for love - not gain;

A word to ease the troubled mind Of one whom fate has dealt unkind.

So, friend, my wish is that we may See good in all who pass our way.

=========================

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."

=======================

Don had just broken up with his girlfriend, and was growing tired of the dating scene and all the games women play, so this time he got right to the point and put an ad in the newspaper saying "Wife Wanted."

The next morning he had 53 messages on his answering machine, and they were all men, and they all said, "You can have mine!"

========================

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?". The lady says "To kill my husband." I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist. The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position, the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and shows it to the druggist. He looks at the photo and says . . . . . . " Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"

==========================

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone. "I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client. The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night." "Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again. "Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is dead." "I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

=======================

A friend:

A)ccepts you as you are

B)elieves in "you"

C)alls you just to say "HI"

D)oesn't give up on you

E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

F)orgives your mistakes

G)ives unconditionally

H)elps you

I)nvites you over

J)ust "be" with you

K)eeps you close at heart

L)oves you for who you are

M)akes a difference in your life

N)ever Judges

O)ffer support

P)icks you up

Q)uiets your fears

R)aises your spirits

S)ays nice things about you

T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

U)nderstands you

V)alues you

W)alks beside you

X)-plains thing you don't understand

Y)ells when you won't listen and

Z)aps you back to reality

=====================

HE'S SO MEAN THAT:

1. If you kicked him in the heart, you'd break your toe.

2. He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider. 3. He's deaf, and never told his barber. 4. You couldn't warm up to him if you were cremated together.

5. He sends get-well cards to hypochondriacs. 6. He'd cry over your wounds so he could get salt in them.

7. He has as much use for anyone living as an undertaker.

8. He applied for a job as a prison warden so he could put tacks in the electric chair.

9. The only thing he'll share with you willingly is a communicable disease.

10. He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him on the bus can only read half the headline.

11. He has a testimonial plaque from Kenneth Starr. 12. He dreamed that he died and the heat woke him up. 13. He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.

14. He'd throw a drowning man both ends of the rope. 15. He knifes you in the back, and then has you arrested for carrying a weapon.

16. He campaigned for a dry county, got it passed, and then moved away.

17. He told his children the Easter Bunny got run over by a car.

18. He was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but he got mad and broke it off.

19. He never hits a man when he's down--he kicks him. 20. He never eats his heart out; he'd starve to death. 21. He'd borrow your pot just to cook your goose 22. Only gravediggers would enjoy working for him. 23. He gave his wife oysters and a rabbit's foot because she wanted pearls for her birthday.

24. He had three phones installed so that he could hang up on more people.

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