Bertha's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A Very Bertha Sequel........Part 3

From now on I'm just going to post the end of the previous part at the beginning of each new section to refresh your memory :D...so here's the end of Part 2 again:

“My mom’s friends picked my parents up—which means they left their car in the garage,” she slurred, a mischievous look washing over her face. “My mom never lets me drive her car…but she’s not home, and her car IS. So—what do you say we take it for a spin?” Milbert thought this over. “Does it have a CD player?” he asked finally. Bertha nodded. “Can we bring the Britney Spears CD?” She nodded again. Milbert didn’t need any more persuasion.

*********

“Oooops, you think I’m in love, that I’m sent from abo-o-o-ove…I’m not that innocent!” Milbert was disappointed when the song ended. They actually hadn’t left the house yet—he’d been listening to the Britney CD in the car while Bertha had gone back inside to go to the bathroom for the ten millionth time that night. He wondered why girls were always going to the bathroom, even when they weren’t drunk.

Milbert normally wouldn’t have set foot in a car with someone who’d been drinking. Then again, normally he wouldn’t have been caught dead singing along with Britney Spears. This obviously wasn’t a normal day. It was the first time he’d ever been drunk, and he was having a blast. He wasn’t worrying about anything at the moment except for the fact that he had put on a pair of his little sister’s pink panties that morning after discovering he didn’t have any clean underwear of his own to wear. As Milbert was scribbling “buy more underwear” on his To-Do list, Bertha wobbled up to the car and climbed into the front seat. “Alright Mil,” she snickered, struggling to get the key into the ignition, “let’s get this party started.” She put the car into reverse, slammed her foot down on the gas pedal, and sped down the driveway, nearly taking the mailbox with her.

Bertha had barely reached the Stop sign at the end of her street when they suddenly heard a knock at the back passenger window. Milbert could her Bertha gasp as he whipped his head around, wondering who in the world could be knocking on the window. In the dark, all he could make out was a shadowy figure. “Who is that?!” Bertha screamed, grabbing onto Milbert’s shirt sleeve. The door, which was unlocked, suddenly opened. “EDDGURR?!” she cried, half relieved and half furious. Was he crazy?? Normal people don’t go around knocking on car windows at night! “Hey guys! You guys probably thought I was a carjohnner or something, huh? Heeheehee!!” Milbert rolled his eyes. “Eddgurr, it’s carJACKER, and what are you doing here anyway? I thought your mom told you to go to bed.” Eddgurr looked offended as he slid into the backseat. “My mom can’t tell me what to do! Not when she’s sleeping. I snuck out of the house and was rolling around on the grass pretending to be a snake when I saw you guys pull up. I went to go say hi, but you guys didn’t see me, did you?! Hehe!! I saw you guys, though. And I started running over there but then I kinda felt like I had to go to the bathroom, but I wasn’t really sure, so I thought about…” Milbert noticed Bertha putting the car in park as Eddgurr rambled on, probably well aware that they were going to be there awhile. “…and then I noticed it was unlocked so I just helped myself. You guys smell like my uncle Ronnie’s bachelor party! My mom would never have—“ Bertha suddenly interrupted him, sounding annoyed. “Eddgurr, you might want to get out of my car now. Milbert and I have somewhere to be.” Surprisingly, Eddgurr didn’t seem saddened by Bertha’s bluntness. He climbed out of the car obediently, but not before rolling the window down so he could talk a little longer.

Amazingly, after awhile Eddgurr ran out of stuff to say and started rolling around in the street. “Now’s our chance!” Bertha whispered, struggling in her drunkenness to put the car back into drive. Milbert looked into the side mirror and noticed Eddgurr sniffing around at the exhaust pipe. After what seemed like an eternity, Bertha finally managed to put the car in gear and floor the gas pedal. But to Milbert’s horror, Bertha had accidentally put the car into reverse instead of drive. He felt his heart pound its way into his throat, making it impossible for him to speak. All he could do was gasp in terror, knowing what was about to happen.

“That’s funny,” Bertha thought aloud, “when did they put a speed bump on my street? I don’t remember going over it on the way up here, do you?”







Part 4 coming soon!! :)

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