= = = The Real Reality. . . = = = wooden nickel

"EVERYTHING COMES IN THREES" Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in ancient times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU (When you die)" Well... that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, they can probably put some of your things in your pockets.

"YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY" Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you've just learned it doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it.

"THE SKY'S THE LIMIT" Well, how can the sky be the limit? The sky never ends. What kind of a limit is that? The earth is the limit. You dig a hole and what do you keep getting? More earth. The earth is the limit.

"YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR" Clearly this is not true. Have you been on-line shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. Have you checked you telephone bill, or Visa account lately?

"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY" Not necessarily true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it will be today again.

"NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that nice guys finished 27th. You can see how limited those medieval people were.

"IF YOU'VE SEEN ONE, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL" Do we even have to talk about this one? This should be obvious. If you've seen one, you've seen one. If you've seen them all, only *then* you've seen them all. I don't even understand how this stupid maxim got started.

"EVERYBODY HAS HIS PRICE" Not so. Would you believe there are millions of people who do not have their price? Thanks to a IRS mix-ups, and E-Bay, many people have someone else's price. . . . re-hashed by rubin

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A pupil told his kindergarten teacher that he had found a frog. She inquired as to whether it was a live or dead.

"Dead." She was informed.

"How do you know?" She asked.

"Because I pssst in his ear," said the child innocently.

"You did what?" Squealed the teacher in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst'. The frog didn't move."

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. Husband to wife: "I'm feeling so depressed today."

Wife: "Why, Honey?"

Husband: "It's just that sometimes I feel so alone and useless."

Wife: "Oh, you don't have to feel so alone. A lot of people think you're useless."

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The Busy And Important Entrepreneur

A young businessman started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy and important, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal in the works. He threw huge figures around and made giant commmitments.

Finally, he hung up the phone and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I'm here to install the phones..."

====================

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jack and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Jack leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.



A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.



The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.



I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.



Celebrate Womanhood! Share this with all of those amazingly brilliant and tremendously talented women who are intelligent enough to call YOU their friend :-) !!!



Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly!

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