= = = I'm afraid I've had too much sugar= = = wooden nickel

A nurse at the hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" the nurse asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

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If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say I love you, instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our I love you's, And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget,

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight..

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear,

Take time to say "I'm sorry, please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's okay". And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

=======================

Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized, "Pardon me!" "That's quite all right," the woman replied. "You look just like my fifth husband." "Wow!" he said. "How many times have you been married?" "Four," she answered.

======================

Heavenly Father, help us remember that the jerk who cut us off traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear.

Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us but to all humanity.

Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

==========================

. "HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.

I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure," I said.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

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Jim: "Joe, I hear you just got married again." Joe: "Yes, for the fourth time." Jim: "What happened to your first three wives?" Joe: "They all died, Jim." Jim: "How did that happen?" Joe: "My first wife ate poison mushrooms." Jim: "How terrible! And your second?" Joe: "She ate poison mushrooms." Jim: "And your third ate poison mushrooms too?" Joe: "Oh, no. She died of a broken neck." Jim: "I see, an accident." Joe: "Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."

====================

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A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call, 'Teds or Hales'."

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