they think i'm suicidal *snowymoon06*

alright this has been going on for a while. my parents have just confronted me about this maybe last week. they think i'm making myself depressed and that i'm suicidal.

i think i made a post before about how my parents say i have no friends and that i'm antisocial. they both say i need friends. my dad says i won't get a boyfriend or meet anyone being online. then they hint that i might be a little racist. my mom was talking to a family friend (her kids are adopted from korea too) and she told her that i seem to only get along with koreans.

after saying that, they said that since i'm not really talking to them, telling them every little detail about my day, that they said something's wrong with me. alright. first off, a lot of you who were teenagers, know what i mean when you say that you don't want to tell your parents everything...half lies and maybe full lies if they wanted you to talk. i don't lie to my parents much just because i don't talk to them much anyway.

i'm not saying it's bad to talk to your parents. i mean, it could be a good thing. i tell them where i go and with who. lately, i just say "oh a friend" it's becuase two friends from clinton (about 1 or so hours away) come up here to see me. alright it's cool, but honestly, the two kinda scare me. anyway, they're both guys. good kids. one of them went to a leadership camp with me. so my dad keeps thinking i'm going out with them. both of them. he thinks both of them are my boyfriends. ugh...i know. my dad thinks any guy i mention/hang out with is automatically my boyfriend. he even asked "what does *bob* think of *tom*?" GRR!! my mom doesn't do that becuase she knows it makes me SUPER mad.

so back on the subject. they said if i don't make friends or shape up, then i will have to see a counselor. i think before i said i wanted to go to one or something, but now that they said it, i don't wanna go. just something in my head kinda clicked and said 'NOOOO'

so my parents think i'm depressed and suicidal JUST becuase i don't go out all the time. they say "girls your age should be out and we should be telling you to stay home not go out" but there's not really anything i like to do here. i don't know what i want to do or like to do... it just seems like nothing seems appealing anymore you know? i have money, but my dad's making it all so complicated. he said i can spend $600 on a camcorder if i wanted, but i couldn't spend $600 on a 1 week summer camp in iowa city. i would be at the university of iowa learning about flash animation (which i've been trying to learn like crazy but no luck) since i'd be there, i would OBVIOUSLY be socializing and making friendships. (there was a camp there last summer that i went to - the leadership camp i mentioned earlier) but my dad said "no you can't do that becuase you won't be meeting people here" i said "so what you're saying is that i need to make friends here before i meet anyone anywhere else?" he said "no" and left it at that.

i dunno. i'm not saying i don't have friends - i do. like i said in a post before, i just seem to connect better with only some guys here. most girls here are SOOO darn stuck up or i just don't like the things they do. for example, a TON of the girls here have gotten drunk, smoked, or had sex ALREADY!! AT 15 YEARS OLD!!! i am EXTREMELY against this if you haven't guessed yet. i mean, there are a lot of girls that do that stuff and i just can't seem to let myself accept it. i DO have friends that do do all that stuff, but they aren't stuck up, and they don't talk about it. the other girls though talk about it all the time. like cheerleading practice - ALL the girls on my first squad had gotten drunk over winter break - new years parties - and they talked about it the whole time. i told my coach and she got mad. real mad. anyway, i just don't like it when people do all that stuff and it's really really hard to find people who don't do it or who do it and don't talk about it. ugh...

my friends are afraid of my parents. it's not what i tell them...it's what they do. at the grocery store, i've got a couple friends. so one of them waved to my mom one day and she gave him a dirty look. this coulda been an accident, but a few days earlier, hyvee didin't have chicken breasts again. she said "why don't they every have chicken breasts" when it was 6:00 saturday night. my brother laughed and said "maybe you should come here before everyone else does" but of course, poor *larry* was behind the counter and she got mad at him becuase they didn't have chicken breasts. HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN THERE FOR 6 MONTHS! and before she didn't want anyone over at the house. i'd say "mom can ashley come over?" "no go to the mall. i don't want anyone messing up the house" my mom is a neat freak. i always asked her almost every weekend if someone could spend the night, but she'd always say no...she didn't have a problem with me going to their house though.

do you guys have any clue what i should do?? i'm trying to join clubs and all, but i can't make it to any of the meetings. and then i was going to be in choir, but then i wouldn't have a study hall. i don't know when cheerleading practice is, but last year it was every school day. i know games are friday night and i think tuesday during winter...i just don't know what to do. i try to talk to them and tell them i'm OK and not to worry and that i'm getting sick of them saying i have no friends. ugh... any advice? anyone?

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