Date: 6/20/2003 4:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
I don't know how you stop being selfish but I wish my husband sure would get a clue and figure it out. He is the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire life.  |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 46069
Idon't think that makes you selfish... Everyone though is a bit selfish. I think you just don't like things not going the way you want them to and try to fix it the fastest you can. Ok..maybe that does seem selfish (lol)... I think it may go deeper than that though.... Ok.. so now you got me babbling so I will just stop now!  |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 3538
I guess whatever he did wrong yesterday was really bad and uncalled for. Well, there are many type of people in the world with all different personalities. Some people might say you have character and spunk to you. I see it as that is what makes you, the person that you are. Why try to be someone that you are not and have a different attitude? It's what makes you. I would not try to change to please other people. This is the way that you are, people can either put up with it, bare with it or they can choose not to. There is nothing wrong with being selfish, it shows you want things done the right way and you won't have thing done the wrong way. I think it really builds character. Don't change your selfish ways for anyone!  |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
I have to disagree cuzin Justice. I think that being selfish is very hurtful to the person on the receiving end. Marriage should be about compromises and being able to work things out to suit both parties. I try this with my husband. The makes deals and promises with me all the time but then he goes behind my back and sneaks around and lies to me all the time. He never keeps his promises, in seven years he has never kept one promise. It's very hurtful when a person acts so selfishly.<<<lol! is that a word? anyway...you get what I'm trying to say, I hope. |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 14780
Justice & Author Only... you make a great point but what if theres help needed and i just throw him to the curb instead of trying to "fix" it...that would be wrong. Then again I cant stand to see someone killing thereselves right in front of me and the kids...getting throwed in jail for the next 40 yrs....what if I dont TRY? Yes, Im tired of the actions but what do you do...we just had our 9 yr anniversary....Its been like this off and on for 9 yrs...I swear if I didnt have children I would be a freakin gypsy travlin the world with noone...I would be a loner and be very happy with it.<....Is that statement selfish...I think it is....  |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 14780
Im just soo confused....Is selfishness a good thing or bad thing???? |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:31:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 14780
and what do I do??????? |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
And Kat from what you said I don't see you as acting selfish, I see you being hurt by something that he has done and then getting upset, which is a natural reaction when someone you love hurts you. Trust me. I do this all the time. But in my case I already know that it's a lost cause and I'm learning not to let things like that hurt me any more. I don't know what you husband has done or what your situation may be, but I don't think that by you getting upset and acting out is a selfish act at all. |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:36:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 14780
Ughhhh...I really cant deal with all this right now...So im going to take a break and then come back to USM later tonight and read everyones replies...Thank you all.... |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 7952
When you enter a relationship things definately change. No longer is it all about you, you, you.. but now us, us, us. I am not saying that this means you must no longer consider your needs (and your sanity!) but you must now also give way for comprimise. Comprimise is extremely important, you may not come up with the most desireable outcome, but it is much better than a win-lose situation where one party is at a complete loss. I do not think you are being selfish, i am completely unaware of your situation. I'm just generalising, and i suppose if what you're going through can relate to what i'm saying then maybe it can be helpful.. i don't know. I think you need to give your guy a chance.. but then i also believe he should be respecting your concerns. Have you two actually sat down and just discussed this without arguments, without 'storming off' into the other room, or driving away for the night? I believe if you sit down and talk about it, you may find his actual thoughts on it, and perhaps he will even see your distress about the situation? People don't just get married for the sake of it. They fell in love with that person (however many years ago..) and that person is still deep inside. Unfortunately i think you have both come to take eachother for granted and have actually forgotten who they actually fell in love with and why. He is still in that man somewhere, Katsho.. and you just need to ask your Hubby.. "Where is the man i fell in love with x years ago?".  |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 11341
I think there is a difference between selfish and self preservation. If his actions are bad enough to cause you or you kids harm in any way and you throw him out to avoid that, thats not being selfish. If you love him and tried to work it out but still he doesnt change and you throw him out, thats not selfish either. Selfish is instant gratification, caring ONLY about your life and not how what you want or do effect others. Being a loner isnt selfish either, at least not in my mind. Being a loner who preys on people along the way to get money (or whatever) is.  |
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Date: 6/20/2003 4:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
I completely agree with DMK. |
Date: 6/20/2003 4:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 15394
Boundaries is the word here... One cannot be "selfish" if they are simply enforcing their personal boundaries. Voice your boundaries, and stick to them, what he chooses to do then is up to him.. ..jmo  |
Date: 6/20/2003 11:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
you need to find a middle ground... whenever you think about doing something mentally take yourself out of it for a second and ask yourself "am i doing this JUST for me?? does anyone benifit from this?" when you look back it's obvious... but when your in the process it seem slike the best thing to do...  |
Date: 6/25/2003 2:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 47113
awww katsho, i'm sorry about your problem....so far from what i've seen of your writings and helping ppl your the most unselfish woman i know...but relationships are a whole other story.....mmmmmm, i'm sure theres anything i can say that everyone here hasn't said already...i've read great comments from everyone...communication to me is the most important thing in a relationship...if you can't sit down rationally and have a heart to heart talk with someone you love, then theres a big problem...the key is not losing your cool during the talk.....then maybe you can come to a compromise....if hes physically hurting you or your kids, get out and let him get help....also, sometimes 2 ppl just need a break from each other for awhile to think things out without interruptions...maybe a few weeks away from home might help you think about where the problem really lies...is it really you, him, or the fact your not happy in your marriage and you are looking for a way out to make him soo mad he will leave first????.....sorry girl your going through this...i know i wasn't much help...hey, take a vacation in san antonio...you,kiki,justice and me could all have a girls week out...we could go ghost hunting....lol....:-)  |
Date: 6/29/2003 2:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 62104
I do understand alot about what you are going through. I would also often manipulate my fiance to get what I wanted from him. If he made me angry then I would threaten him, I've in the past said the most awful things to him and even to the extent of throwing things at him or hitting him (which didn't work as he would just hold me down) but he for some reason put up with me because he loved me so much. Even though he may have messed up on ocasion, that didn't give me the right to treat him that way. In my oppinion, I was acting somewhat abusive towards him and if you think about it, do you think that I would have taken that from HIM? No way! I knew I had to do something about my anger problems so I went to see my doctor. You might be able to find help in yours too. There's no need to go into all the messy details but you certainly can get help with this and you will feel ALOT better. If you can learn how to stay reasonably calm in situations like this then you can better work out the situation with your husband. I know I am a much better person and my fiance and I have a better relationship now. You are not selfish but do have a problem that needs adressed. Good luck and please see someone for help. Amanda1  |
