= = = = = at a run-down zoo = = = = = = wooden nickel

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage. When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches. Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack, into the lions' cage. "Oh No!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"

========================

You came along when I needed you most You held my hand, You held me close You showed me that tomorrow the sun will shine And that life isn't bad all the time.

You gave me a hug when I needed it most Whether it be virtual or real. Somehow, you always seem to know Just how I feel.

You gave me a shoulder to lean on When I felt too weak to stand alone You helped me see that I am strong, And I'm never on my own.

For all that you do for me, I am so very grateful.

And each night I find the brightest star And thank God for giving me a friend with such a caring heart.

====================

This is a good one to print out and keep around!

*Budweiser beer conditions the hair *Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish *Cool Whip will condition your hair in 15 min *Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair

*Elmer's Glue. Paint it on your face, allow to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads it removed

*Shiny Hair-use brewed Lipton Tea *Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water

*Minor burn-Colgate or Crest toothpaste *Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it! *Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kills insect stings too

*Bee stings - meat tenderizer *Chigger bite - Preparation H *Puffy eyes - Preparation H *Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)

*Stinky feet - Jello!! *Athletes feet - cornstarch *Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vaporub *Kool Aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet.

*Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also *Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!

*Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a paper coffee filter

*Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls *Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray *Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby

*When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle the doll with corn starch and watch them slide on

*Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar! *Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour into an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!

*Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak

*Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and ½ cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!

*A Slinky will hold toast and CD's! *To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste

*Wine stains. Pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.

*To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.

*Remove labels off glassware, etc. - Rub with peanut butter!

*Baked on food -fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!

*Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!

*Dirty grout - Listerine *Stains on clothes - Colgate *Grass stains - Karo Syrup *Grease Stains- Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from batteries! (And we DRINK this stuff????)

*Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.

*To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.

*When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness. Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday - Blue; Tuesday - Green; Thursday - Red; Friday - White; Saturday - Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie - not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the one with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday!!! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here )