Sellout

Maybe I care.
And if I don't, who's going to save me?
The one who I thought cared?
They're not real, though. They can't be real.
Nobody could possibly be that ugly inside.
Nobody could possibly have such a pessimistic point of view
And truly, deeply, believe that it's all right.
That everything is all right.
That everything will be okay.


But it won't.
Nothing's okay.
Nothing will ever be okay.
It's all wrong. All of it.
I hate you.
I hate you for hating me when you said you didn't.
I hate you for pretending that you cared.
I hate you for being so happy on the outside.
I hate you for being so perfect.
I hate you for being the person that I always wished I was.
I hate you for not being there when you said you would.
I hate you for being real.
I hate you for standing out.
I hate you for saying that you don't care and actually meaning it.
I hate you for trying to leave when I still needed you.
But most of all,
I hate you for making me hate you.


So I do care.
There, it's out. You know now.
Does it make you happy?
Is that what you wanted all along?
Is that why you tore me up, broke me down, and handed me back the pieces?
Is that why you made me realize that I'm so much worse than I thought I was?
I feel sick when I'm next to you.
I feel like I'm evidence when I'm next to you.
Evidence that there's good and there's bad.
There's ugly and there's beautiful.
Guess who's beautiful?
Guess who everyone loves?
Guess who's name everyone calls?
Guess what.
It's not me.
It's not me.
It's not mine.


So now that it's out, I hope you freaking care.
You say you don't, but you do.
You know you do.
You can fool some people all the time, and all people some of the time.
But you can't fool me.


No, I know you too well.
And you didn't even say a word.
Everyone else just sees your mask.
The bright, happy, comely colors that fool the world.
But it's transparent to me.
I see your soul. I see it burning the oblivious.
Chopping them up and burning them like a freaking tree.


Pick off the leaves, now I'm bare.
Now you can break me down, tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me I don't care. Tell me I'm horrible.
Tell me that I don't even deserve to breathe the same air as you.
You're special.
You're better than everyone else.


Tell me that you don't care.
But you do.
You care.
I care.
Nobody cares.
That's all you are.
You're nobody.
Nothing.
You're nothing to me.
And because I am nothing,
You're everything to me.


You laugh at these words.
And tell me I'm nothing.
Keep quite, make sure you don't spill.
Make sure they don't see the scars on your wrists, they might feel sorry for you.
OH NO.
Then the mask slowly fades.
Black. White. Grey.
And now it's gone.
Everything is gone.
You are gone.


This time I win.

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