!!!! Someone getting up your nose???????.......Zema

I found this article that's written by Susan the Psychologist very interesting and I'm sure that there will be quite a few people that will be able to relate to this.....

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone in the world was considerate, polite and well-meaning? If we could rely on others to say what they mean and to treat us with respect???

The reality is that it takes all types to make up our world, and some people are more difficult to cope with than others. There are many situations in which we simply have to learn to cope with difficult types because there's no avoiding them. Perhaps you work with them, they are customers, they live next door or they are part of your family.

Complaining about them won't make the slightesst difference, nor will gossiping about them or simply wishing they were different.....So here's your chance to make a plan and take some action to cope better with those difficult types.

FOUR KEY STEPS: No matter what type the person you find difficult is, there are four key steps to better handling your interaction with them: 1...Look at the world throught their eyes so you can understand where they're coming from. 2...Give up on wishing them to be different. Wishing won't change anything-and the the only person you can change is you and your reaction to them. 3...Identify what's happening within you-your feelings and your thinking. 4...Make a plan and take action accordingly.

IN-YOUR-FACE-TYPES: Their behaviour. Verbally aggressive, impatient and demanding. They talk over and/or down to you and won't take no for an answer.

Their thinking: "I'm right and you don't count".

What you can do: Stand up for yourself or they'll steamroll over you....Allow them some room to get their gripes off their chest, but don't wait too long....Use their name to get their attention....Interrupt if needed and state your opinions assertively...Avoid counter-attacks - it will only fuel their anger....Be ready to talk calmly about the problem.

TANTRUM THROWERS: Their behaviour. May feel and look out of control, but underneath the tantrum they really fear being helpless...This behaviour stems from childhood, when they would have learnt that tantrums helped them get their own way.

Their thinking. Unlikely to be thinking clearly at all.

What you can do. Try to help them regain control without giving in to their tantrum...Stay calm and get their attention..Show you are listening to them and taking them seriously....Wait until the tantrum is over before trying to discuss the issue.

BEHIND -YOUR-BACK ATTACKERS:

Their behaviour. Inuendos, digs, teasing. May use "humour" to disguise attacks.

Their thinking.

"I'll make you look ridiculous so I can feel in control and right".

What you can do.

Your embarrassment may lead you to automatically laugh along with them. Resist this-it only weakens your position....Challenge them by directly commenting on their behaviour and asking them what they meant by their comment or joke...Be prepared for them to laugh it off, deny it or accuse you of reading things into it.....Even so, you will have made your point....If they turn their hidden isult into an open verbal attack, be ready to listen - but also to challenge.

KNOW-IT-ALLS:

Their behaviour.

Controlling and distrustful. They always have to be right.

Their thinking.

"I'm right - and I'll make sure you know you're wrong".

What you can do.

If they really are very knowledgeable but you want to debate a point, do your homework thoroughly....They'll relish pointing out errors in your arguments, but don't let this undermine your overall point...Acknowledge that you may be wrong on that specific detail and continue...If they are actually "fake" know-it-alls (due to low self esteem), allow them to back down without losing face.

Other types....DOOM SAYERS...Pessimistic about most things, always looking for the problem in any given situation....COMPLAINERS...Blaming and accusing others, they find fault in most things and do so in a whining, self righteous tone...SILENT TYPES...They simply just don't talk, their lack of communication can be extreme, low self esteem can be the root of their problem.

FOOTNOTE:

Hope this can help someone out there..



Luv and Peace....Zema

Show all stories by   Author:  42945 ( Click here )