the way of the shadow .................JAak

It's become normal for me to take showers in the dark,
then i can look like anyone,i can be anything-if only it were true,
still self contained in my body-still looking at shadows in this old shell,
if only the walls were alive with the sounds of childern,with the sounds of family as they very well used to be,
i stay in the bathroom for as long as i can-
for out side in the hall-the old grandfather clock hates me,
it ticks along-each breath of it counts the ending to my soul-
he angers at every step i take towards him,
so the hall stands vaccant-and the lights dim,
for if i do make my way in the dark-he can't see me-but every hour he yells at the top of his voice for me,
in the corner i always wait for that time to pass,
in the evening i like to look out side at the school childern wonder back home from a hard days study,
i don't understand it they always see me and run-
as if am a freak-as if age is a curse...
i beg my God for freedom-i wanna be able to wonder as i used to,
but he's almost finished with me,so here i wait for him,
my bones hurt more with each passing day-
death is my shadow, my company-
He's here along with my family,
i hear them talking sometimes-
they want me to learn to be more like them-
they say am different now, that my life is over,
I don't feel different nor remember dying,
am i different to you?
THe things you tell me seem to weird to be true,
I don't believe it-i can't be dead...

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