=== not wanting to get her feet wet === , wooden nickel

A Jewish lady's grandson is playing in the water, she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished. She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, "Lord, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to Bnai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?" A few minutes later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened. A loud voice booms from the sky, "Okay, okay, I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?" She responds, "He had a hat."

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A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons. A passerby asks her how old the boys are. "The doctor is three" the mother answers, "and the lawyer is two

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A Jewish Mother's Answering Machine" If you want lox and eggs, dial 1 If you want knishes press 2; If you want chicken soup, press 3; If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 4; If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the Wrong Number since NOBODY ever asks me how I am feeling. Who knows I could even be dead by now.

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A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

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*~The Player ~*

He'll meet you and sweep you off of your feet He's nice and he's funny, so cute and so sweet Surprisingly, he likes the same things as you He does all the things that you love to do He's the perfect guy, the one of your dreams You belong together, or so it seems! He looks in your eyes, and plays with your hair He tells you that he'll always be there His touch is so soft, his hold is so tight, His words are so soothing, his kiss is just right! You ditch all your friends for your new obsession You don't realize your future is full of depression You think that you love him, you give him your heart Little do you know that he'll tear it apart You do what he wants, you know its not good You told him slow down, and you think he understood You let it slide by, he's just having fun You'll learn to like it as time goes on! He's taken your heart, and locked it away And you see him with a different girl the next day You cry and you grieve, but then you forgive, He won't do it again for as long as he lives! At this point you've fallen into his trap He has all control when you're in his lap You believe he's sorry, you're together again You give him a chance, he's your only friend! You're right where he wants you, he molds you like clay,

And you see him with girl number 3 the next day He got what he wanted, accomplished his goal He still has your heart, which he evilly stole! He's taken your purity, you still can't believe You feel hurt and cheap and extremely naive. If only your hair was blond and straight If only you looked like you lost some weight If only your clothes were a little bit tighter If only your teeth were a little bit whiter You know he's BUTT HEAD, but you still want him back And you grieve about all of those qualities you lack All you wanted was to have some fun Now you wish that this whole thing had never begun You wish that one day you'll see him cry That one day he'll know how he killed you inside! But you know that he won't, cause he's numb to pain He'll be with some girl while you cry and complain Beware of the players, they'll steal your heart And they'll give it back once its all torn apart Don't let them suck you into their game Cause once you lose, you're never the same. OKAY NOW GIRLS~WE WILL GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT OF THESE GUYS IN THA' 2001!!!

Kissing is a habit, LOVING is a game, boys get all the pleasure, girls get all the pain, He says he loves you and you believe it's true, but when your stomach starts to swell he says the heCK with you!!! 16 min of pleasure, 9 months of pain, 3 days in the hospital, a baby with no name.

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If you said you were cold I would wrap my arms around you

If you said you were thirsty I would give you the ocean blue

I would give you anything The moon, the stars, the sunset too this heart in my hands that I hold out to you

Take these from me they are all I have to give Take them my love for as long as I live

I will love you till the day I die Don't look for reasons or even question why

If you said you were lonely I would be there at your side

If you said you were sad I would wipe the tears you cried

I would give you anything the moon, the stars, the sunset too this heart in my hands that I hold out to you

Take these from me they are all I have to give keep them my love for as long as you live

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OK. Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect.



Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!



On your mark, get set, go...



1: You are competing in a race

and overtake the runner in second place.



In which position are you now?





Answer: If you answered that you're now in first,

you're wrong!

You overtook the second runner and took his place,

therefore you are now in second place.





For the next question try not to be so dim.



2: If you overtake the last runner,

what position are you now in?





Answer: If you answered second to last,

you are wrong once again.

Think about it...

How can you overtake the person who is last?

If you're behind them, they can't be last.

You would have been last.



It would appear that thinking

is not one of your strong points.



Anyway, here's another question to try.

Don't take any notes or use a

calculator, and remember,

your replies must be instantaneous.





3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000.

Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20.

Plus 1000. And plus 10.

What is the total?





Answer: 5000?

Wrong again!

The correct answer is 4100.



Try again with good calculator.



Today is clearly not your day,

although you should manage

to get the last question right...



4: Marie's father has five daughters:

1. Chacha

2. Cheche

3. Chichi

4. Chocho

5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?



Think quickly...you'll find the answer below..





Answer: Chuchu?

WRONG!



It's obviously Marie!

Read the question properly.

You are clearly the weakest link.

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