====It was snowing heavily and blowing ==== wooden nickel

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.



The blonde finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.



As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.



After quite some time had passed, the blonde was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for quite a long time. The blonde said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.



The driver replied, "Well that's just fine honey, and you can keep it up if you want. I'm done here with the K-Mart parking lot and I gotta go cross the way to Sam's Club next..."

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A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkups. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never felt better," he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season, but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and *BAM*, the beaver drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!" "Exactly," said the doctor.

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A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does. But then the wife suddenly stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." "WHAT!?" says her husband. The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth $200 each. The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn't care. The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cashier." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. "Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.

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THINGS THAT ARE GOOD TO KNOW

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

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Reasons Why It Is So Great To Be A GUY!!

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

You can kill your own food. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Your belly usually hides your big hips. You almost never have strap problems in public. Wrinkles are non-existent in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

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A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn, asking them all questions.

"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"

"It goes 'moo', Miss."

"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"

"It goes 'meow', Miss."

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"

"It goes 'baaa', Miss."

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"

"Errr... it goes... 'click'!"

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