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==A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. == wooden nickel

  Author:  27583  Category:(Humor) Created:(5/29/2003 6:49:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1133 times)

A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner Dr. Eskin and its steward Benny who managed to swim to the closest island.

After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. The other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.

"Dr. Eskin, Dr. Eskin, how can you be so calm?" cried the Benny. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."

"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Benny," began the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago I gave the United Way $500,000. and another $500,000. to the United Jewish Appeal. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000. to each. Last year business was good, so the two charities each got a million dollars."

"So what?" shouted Benny.

"Well, it's time for their annual fund drives, and I know they're going to find me," smiled Dr. Eskin.

================

Thank you for being my friend You make me feel so special Like I have no faults No pesky flaws Yet I have my share!

What is it inside you That makes you so thoughtful In such a sincere & huggable way? Is there anyone quite as Special as you!

I do my best Tripping now and then But you are such an inspiration Prodding me, propping me up In just the way I need

Thank you for being my friend You make me feel so special Like I have no faults I wish there were more Like you...

==================

Mike had some difficulty with spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.

"Now," she asked Mike, "what word would we have if we placed a 'K' in front of this word?"

After a moment's reflection, Mike answered,canoe!!!

==================

I am a small and precious child, my dads been sent to fight.. The only place I'll see his face, is in my dreams at night. He will be gone too many days for my young mind to keep track. I may be sad, but I am proud. My daddys got your back..



I am a caring mother. My son has gone to war.. My mind is filled with worries that I have never known before. Everyday I try to keep my thoughts from turning black. I may be scared, but I am proud..My son has got your back..



I am a strong and loving wife, with a husband soon to go. There are times I'm terrified in a way most never know. I bite my lip, and force a smile as I watch my husband pack.. My heart may break, but I am proud..My husbands got your back..



I am a soldier..Serving Proudly,standing tall. I fight for freedom, yours and mine by answering this call. I do my job while knowing, the thanks it sometimes lacks. Say a prayer that I'll come home. It's me whose got your back. author unknown

(I realize this was probably written before women were in the military so let's pray for all the brave women who are "watching our back" as well)

================

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, Doctor!" he says. "People think I'm mad, but my leg keeps talking to me." So, the doctor gets out his stethoscope and listens to the man's thigh. "Gimme a dime, gimme a dime," it says. The doctor moves on to the man's shin. Again he can hear it talking, this time saying, "Gimme a quarter, gimme a quarter." Finally the doctor listens to the man's ankle. "Gimme a dollar, gimme a dollar!" "So?" says the man, "can you tell me what's wrong with me?" "No," answers the doctor. "But your leg is broke in three places."

=====================

A guy sticks his head in the barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

===================

In French, unlike English, all nouns are either masculine or feminine. For fun, a teacher once divided her French class into two groups, with men in one group and women in the other, and asked each group to decide whether the French word for computer should be masculine ("le computer"), or feminine ("la computer").

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1). No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2). The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3). Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieve and review.

4). As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1). In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2). They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.

3). They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4). As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 5/29/2003 6:54:00 PM  From Authorid: 54570    loved the charity drive one. Its so true  
Date: 5/29/2003 7:09:00 PM  From Authorid: 45948    LOL, loved the one about the Barber.....that was great!!! Love,  
Date: 5/29/2003 9:37:00 PM  From Authorid: 3125    LOL I copied them and sent them to a few people.   
Date: 5/30/2003 12:35:00 AM  From Authorid: 28946    The deserted island /charity one was an awesome joke and so funny. LOL.  
Date: 5/30/2003 12:32:00 PM  From Authorid: 55903    LOL! The last one was the best!!  

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