== POLICE "Interrogation!" OF BLONDES.== wooden nickel

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

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. TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

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Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven.St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatricorthopedic surgeon and helped correct deformities in children."St. Peter said, "You may enter."The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."St. Peter also invited him in.The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMOmanager. I helped people get cost-effective health care."St.Peter said, "You can come in too."As the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can only stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man

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Salesman at the door: "Is your mother at home?"

Little Sabra: "Yes."

Salesman: "May I talk to her?"

Little Sabra: "She isn't here."

Salesman: "But you just said she was at home."

Little Sabra: "She is. This isn't our house."

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When I was young, my family was really poor. Everything I wore - socks, blouses, even handkerchiefs - had been darned over and over by my mother. I wasn't the smartest or the prettiest, but I sure was the best darned kid in the neighborhood!

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. A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, but finally found a ninth to play. In desperation, they called on a new member, Putty Duh, to join their team. During their first game, Putty came to bat. On the first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.

"Run!" his teammates cried. "DaRNit, run!"

Putty turned, and stared at them icily. "I will not run!," he replied. "Why should I? I'm perfectly willing to buy you guys another ball."

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. When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. Her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations. One day, when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy, we're going to call it quits!"

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Billy Bob and his brother Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again."

Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Marie with me."

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