" SPEED TRAP " WOODEN NICKEL

SPEED TRAP

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders, but recently, he wasn't catching anyone.

One day, the officer found the problem: A 10-year-old boy was standing on the side of the road, with a huge hand-painted sign which read, "RADAR TRAP AHEAD".

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS", and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

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A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing 747, she started jumping in excitement, running from seat to seat, shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'. She sort of forgets where she is, and even the pilot in the cockpit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings-on, the pilot comes out and shouts 'BE SILENT!'. There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OE...'.

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UNEXPECTED KINDNESS

The unexpected kindness, From an unexpected place. A hand outstretched in friendship, A smile on someone's face.

A word of understanding, Spoken in an hour of trial. Are unexpexted miracles, That make life more worthwhile.

We don't know how it happened, That in an hour of need; Somebody out of nowhere, Proved to be a friend indeed.

For God has many messengers, We fail to recognize. But He sends them when we need them, For His ways are wondrous and wise.

So keep looking for an angel. And keep listening to hear, For on life's busy crowded streets You will find God's presence near.

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An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright." Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

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A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do. Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir. Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best come-back" line and we think he'll win.

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A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago... Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." ..."But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, ..."Wedding cake.

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