~* Horror of Life*~.....................Steel Dove

There is real Horror in life that we all experience. I think, personaly real horror is defined by real experiences.

Death, Love lost, loss of a child, decieption in marriage, the hurt that others place apon you, intentionaly or unintentionaly, the treatment or even the comming death of a fatal illness, watching and accident in action or even being stalked. There are so many horrors life can bring us all, I realize there are many I have not named. I know the worst horror I have personaly experienced so far, involves a residual lingering lifestyle that I always wanted. It turned out to be a faue finish on a wall that feel down moments faster than the years it took to build into what was thought to be concrete.

Now I spend my days trying to remember what "I" like and where "I" went, better yet, why I'm so sensetive. God knows that I am a heck of alot stronger than months ago and I know I can go through anything now. Somethings happens to your person/persona when hurt and brainwashing through psychological abuse goes for years unnoticed. You feel healed then, one day you realize you don't know yourself or how to act and respond to anything people say. You yourself walk around appearing to be happy when in truth you don't know what happy is.

Someone who loves me and I love very deeply and dearly said to me,"You can be reprogramed just as easily as you were brainwashed, remember that, I'm doing the best I can to help you along."

I think friends, loved ones and even your lover can fathom your rediscovery and healing even if you can't. I believe that the love and dedication that people that love you feed to you is what will give back to you yourself.

I know it is helping me, but, for now, the horror is still there, slowly fading away day, by day, by day. (oh lord we pray) *lil' Meet the Parents Flash back there*

Having someone love me the way I am loved now corrects the inner displacement slowly. Life is changed daily by our experiences. It is our experiences that change us. I know slowly I am being changed into something new. Love is what it took to see it and as my Steven would say..."Fik it!"

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