I'm SICK of Being BERTHA!!!!!!!.......Part 8

"Oh Milbert…" Bertha moaned, as he leaned in for a passionate kiss. "Come on, baby—" Bertha suddenly woke up and realized she’d been making out with her pillow. Slowly, last night’s events began coming back to her. She’d set out on a robbery, got stuck in a window, and narrowly escaped with her beauty pills. "The pills!" she cried, remembering she’d taken three the night before. The suspense of not yet knowing what she looked like was killing her. She ran down the hall to the bathroom as fast as she could. As she walked through the bathroom door, she closed her eyes so that she could step up to the mirror and be pleasantly surprised by her reflection. "This is it," she thought, "on the count of three I’m going to open my eyes and see the new me. One—" she couldn’t wait for three. She opened her eyes and gasped. She looked exactly the same! Same frizzy brown hair and acne, same flabby 460-pound body. Her heart sank. What if the pills didn’t work at all? She would have gone to all that trouble for nothing. "I guess it was silly of me to expect results overnight. I’m sure they just take awhile to start working," she said, secretly disappointed. She prayed she was right.

Later that day, Bertha sat in the back of her Algebra class struggling to pay attention. Milbert had written her another note. "My mom sed that sense my lice is gon I can do some thing this Saterday. Mabye we can watch a movee at my house. I found a qaurter in my pockit last nite." Milbert’s notes had always been a grammatical nightmare, and he tended to leap from thought to thought, but Bertha didn’t mind. It was even kind of cute, in a way. She took out a pen and paper and started to write him back. "Dear Milbert," she wrote, brushing a strand of hair off her face. She noticed the strand was uncharacteristically soft. She dropped her pen and began to feel all over her head. She couldn’t believe it—her hair, which normally felt like a Brillo pad, was actually silky! She had to see this for herself. "Can I go to the bathroom?" she yelled from her seat in the back, interrupting Mrs. Mothman’s lesson on polynomial equations. The class snickered at her outburst, but that didn’t matter right now. Mrs. Mothman frowned. "Bertha, we do not interrupt. But if this is an emergency, go," she said, motioning for her to leave. "And hurry back!" she yelled as Bertha scrambled out the door. As she walked down the hall, her pants began to slip farther and farther down her hips. By now Bertha knew the pills had to be working. She wanted to jump around and scream for joy, but she managed to control herself as she glided into the bathroom. As she stood in front of the mirror, Bertha realized she had never seen herself look so good. Her hair was shiny, and it didn’t pouf out into an afro like it usually did. Her face, which was usually covered in blotchy pimples, was surprisingly clear. But most shocking of all, her whole body seemed a lot thinner—so she wasn’t exactly Calista Flockhart, but it was obvious that she had lost weight since that morning. She was so incredibly happy, she didn’t know what to do with herself. She stood around in the bathroom for several more minutes, taking in her new reflection, before slowly floating out the door and back to her Algebra class.

All day, people who had never even spoken to her before were giving her compliments. "I like your hair, Bertha!" a girl in her 6th hour said. "Did you lose weight?" someone else asked. Bertha was on cloud nine. She couldn’t believe the pills were actually working. She couldn’t believe people were actually talking to her like she was a normal person. But most of all, she couldn’t wait to go home and take some more pills.

Show all stories by   Author:  31048 ( Click here )