Ever been in LOVE????????.....................Zema

I found this article in a magazine I was reading and found it to be very interesting, thought some of you out there might be as interested as I was...It was written by a Psychologist with more than 20yrs experience...

One question I generally ask individuals and couples who are experiencing marital difficulties is, "Have you ever felt deeply in love with your partner?"

The answer they give can be a powerful predictor of the likelihood of them turning their marital woes into success. Some will answer with a clear "no" and describe having "fallen into"the marriage for reasons other than love. Others will offer half-hearted, vague memories of once having felt "something like love" for their partner. They may talk of "fondness" or "companionship," or having "been a good team" but they don't use the L-word.

The answer that gives me the greatest level of confidence in them turning their marriage around is the heartfelt "YES". When both partners can remember having experienced a deep level of attraction to each other which they describe as love, even if they're currently experiencing major problems, they are in a stronger position to recapture this experience.

Being in love is hard to define and describe. It's about a certain chemistry, a powerful physical and emotional attraction. Over the years, the experience of this love can change shape, become less intense in terms of physical attraction but more intense in terms of emotional intimacy. It might disappear altogether and be replaced by anger, mistrust and conflict.

But to my way of thinking, any passion is a good sign for the marriage, even if this passion is expressed in conflict. The very fact that a couple is arguing suggests they still care and have not moved into the point of no return that occurs when cold indifference sets in. One wonders why the couples who report they were never in love married in the first place. The most common answers I receive are, "because we were great friends," to "escape my family," "it just happened," or "because I was ready to settle down".

These answers show that many people marry for the wrong reasons - to escape from something (loneliness, responsibility, family), because they're in love with the idea of marriage itself, or because it seemed a good idea at the time. Just as foolhardy are those who marry "for love" when they have only known each other for a short time and that "love" has not withstood the tests of time.

In and of itself, having been in love is not enough to ensure marital success. Other factors come in, such as communication, shared enjoyments, the ability to adjust to changes and a commitment to the marriage. But it's a good starting point and hard to create if it was never there in the first place.



Now these are not necessarily my views either, I just found this article to be very interesting and wanted to share it with you...

Luv and Peace...Zema

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