Good joke yesterday about Republicans , wooden nickel

Hey Bill, Good joke yesterday about Republicans changing a light bulb. Here is the Democrat version so you can remain "fair and balanced." Uncle George

Question: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 5,446

14 White House aids to appear on the Sunday morning news shows denying that the bulb is burned out.

8 White House aides to blame the previous administration.

4 Major news anchors to call the Republicans mean-spirited.

243 children to stand behind Clinton as he explains the impact of burned-out bulbs on our children and how the mean-spirited Republicans want our children to grow up in darkness.

1 First Lady to say that changing the light bulb takes a village.

9 Hollywood stars to testify as experts because they played a movie role in which they changed light bulbs.

15 White House spin doctors to put the best light on it.

103 US Representatives to tell us that only Washington D.C. really knows how to change a light bulb.

1 President to tell us that he feels our darkness and has 18 new federal programs to prevent burned-out light bulbs, and that he has vivid memories of black light bulbs burning out during his childhood in Arkansas.

42 Cruise missiles to take the heat off the burned-out bulb.

1 campaign advisor to recommend the use of red light bulbs.

1 Vice President to inform us of the environmental impact of changing a light bulb.

2 White House advisors to devise a tax on those who are unfairly able to change their own light bulbs.

1 Dead White House lawyer who can be blamed for anything that can't be pinned on the Republicans.

1 White House ghost who can retrieve the light bulb files that no one else knows anything about.

5,000 Bureaucrats to make sure that the bulb is changed correctly, doesn't offend anyone, doesn't impact the environment, doesn't unfairly benefit one group, doesn't harm anyone during the installation, and is up to 1945 specifications for light bulbs.



=====================

I'm so scared that the way that I feel, Is written all over my face, When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place, We used to laugh, we used to hug, The way that old friends do, But now a smile and a touch of your hand, Just make me come unglued, It's such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth,

Is it fact or fiction the way I feel for you.

Just when I think I'm under control, I think I finally got a grip, Another friend tells me that, My name is always on your lips, They say I'm more than just a friend, They say I must be blind, Well I admit that I've seen you watch me, From the corner of your eye, Oh it's so confusing I wish you'd just confess, But think of what I'd be losing, If your answer wasn't yes.

I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you, Should I say it, Should I tell you how I feel, It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated, I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away, I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay, Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel, Oh, I want you to know, But then again I don't, It's so complicated.

======================= I am a small and precious child, my dad's been sent to fight, The only place I'll see his face is in my dreams at night. He will be gone too many days for my young mind to keep track, I may be sad, but I am proud - My daddy's got your back.

I am a caring mother, my son has gone to war, My mind is filled with worries I have never known before. Everyday I try to keep my thoughts from turning black, I may be scared, but I am proud - my son has got your back.

I am a strong and loving wife, with a husband soon to go, There are times I'm terrified in a way most never know. I bite my lip, and force a smile as I watch my husband pack, My heart may break, but I am proud - my husband's got your back.

And I am a soldier, serving proudly, standing tall. I fight for freedom, yours and mine, by answering this call. I do my job while knowing the thanks it sometimes lacks - Say a prayer that I'll come home. It's me whose got your back.

======================== Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was near the end of winter and spring was just beginning. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco.

She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab.

So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money.

He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..."

=======================

REMEMBER OUR HEROES And remember that heroes are not just heroes because we can look up to them, but are heroes because they set an example of courage and strength that we can follow in our own lives. Take a moment to remember - Then take your life to live.

==========================

God, when I am lonely And perhaps I feel despair, Let not my ailing heart forget That You hear every prayer.

Remind me that no matter what I do or fail to do, There still is hope for me So long as I have faith in You.

Let not my eyes be blinded By some folly I commit, But help me to regret my wrong And make amends for it.

Inspire me to put my fears Upon a hidden shelf, And in the future try not to Feel sorry for myself.

Give me the restful sleep I need Before another dawn, And bless me in the morning With the courage to go on!

========================

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.

We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.

Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.

She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'.

So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you're a smart man!.

Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

========================

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed andhealth of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here )