An Irishman with a bad leg hobbled into a restaurant one afternoon. He painfully sat down at a booth and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee too.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth and asked the waitress for a glass of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked "Is that Jesus over there?". The waitress nodded so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea too.
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Hillbilly from Kentucky. He swaggered over to a booth, sat down and hollered "Hey there sweet thing, hows about getting me a cold glass of Coke!". He too looked across the restaurant and asked "Is that God's boy over there?".The waitress nodded so the Hillbilly said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke too.
As Jesus got up to leave He passed by the Irishman and touched him and said "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his leg and got up and danced a jig out the door. Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The English man felt his back straightening up and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Hillbilly. The Hillbilly jumps up and yells, "Hey man don't touch me ...... I'm drawing disability!"
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Joan, a rather well-proportioned secretary, planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised "deck" which received the sun all day long.
She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there that she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.
She'd been lying there on her stomach for a little while when she heard someone running up the stairs towards the roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her suit, and since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up here, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday"
"YESTERDAY!" she exclaimed, rather irritated... "Have you been following me around? And besides, what difference does it make ANYWAY since no one except a nosy assistant manager can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a towel."
"Well, that would be true," said the embarrassed little man. "Except for the fact that you're lying on the dining room skylight."
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