Date: 2/27/2003 3:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 56630
good debate...true love doesnt conquer all but i agree with ya whole-heartedly that cheating is not right and that when they say tehy love you then tehy may be lyin cuz my ex did tahta ll the tiem...so i know the hard ships...once again really good debate  |
Date: 2/27/2003 3:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 19772
Well I'll just have to quote my mother (Gosh I must be getting old if she's actually making sense to me, lol) Once a cheat always a cheat. I of course never believed her when she said this and gave my cheating boyfriend a second chance and then a third chance and so on and so on.. Oh don't get me wrong he was pretty convincing he cried and he begged and he pleaded and of course I caved but in the end I just had to ask myself Am I going to just keep letting him get away with this? And the answer was no. You're right obviously something was lacking in our relationship if he felt the need to turn to another. I think when you're truly in love and with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with no one will ever be able to turn your head or tempt you away from them. JMHO ~Gabrielle~  |
Date: 2/27/2003 4:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 24924
NO. When someone cheats; they're not really there; not really committed or haven't made up their mind yet. Most guys are always looking at the other side of the fence; thinking the grass is greener. Don't be a fool. If someone cheats; move on; no matter how much it hurts; because it is best in the long run. I know from experience. Guys will tell you anything; I know.  |
Date: 2/27/2003 4:03:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
I hear what you guys are saying. My boyfriend consistently promised that he would never cheat on me and he lied when I confronted him with it. Once I got him to admit it he cried and begged me not to leave him and I truly believe he was sorry. I told him if he ever did it again I would leave. However, I have to doubt that he truly loves me now... if like the song says, I'm not his one and only desire. I wish there was some way I could prove one way or the other. It just seems like I should fulfill his every want if he really and TRULY loves me. Thanks for replying.  |
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Date: 2/27/2003 4:05:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
Thanks Thinker. I hate when people tell me exactly what I want to hear and not what they truly feel. I think it's a good rule of thumb to stay away from smooth talkers |
Date: 2/27/2003 4:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 24845
I was recently cheated on, by my ex-husband, with a "dancer". He left me and our two young children. I'm only 27 and I'm not so sure what love is any longer. All I know is what he felt for me wasn't love. Love is respecting that other person. Love is such a hard word and feeling to define. I really don't know if anyone can really say what it's capable of withstanding. I know that I loved my husband. I know that I would have never done anything remotely like that to him. Because I respected him and his feelings. I also know he wouldn't have liked it. Which is pretty ironic really. I have learned something pretty important though, men and women think of sex diffrent. Men look at it as completely physical. Women put their feelings into it. That's a big diffrence really. I think that when you love someone that has cheated the trust is gone. It would be hard to look at him again the same way. The respect for that person is gone also. I think that when true love occurs, it does conquer all. But the road to love and respect and all that's good is filled with potholes. A relationship takes work. On both parts. When one side is unwilling to work at it, the relationship dies. THat's my opinion.  |
Date: 2/27/2003 5:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 16069
I cheated in the past because I wasnt in love. If I was truly in love, I'd NEVER cheat! When a person cheats they are lacking something in their relationship. Sure, he can be sorry, but can you forgive him? Can you ever trust him again? I know it hurts, take your time to figure out what you really want to happen with this relaionship. I dont believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" I know that doesnt apply to me.  |
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Date: 2/27/2003 5:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 16069
Angel, Im sorry that you had to go through that. I hope your doing okay. |
Date: 2/27/2003 5:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 24845
thank you Love One Another, I appreciate that.  I'm doing much better here lately. It's a "one day at a time" thing. I'm still pretty bitter, but I have faith that it'll get better. Thanks. |
Date: 2/27/2003 5:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 15998
I have a boyfriend and we've been dating for almost 2 and 1/2 years. We love eachother so much we'd never even think about cheating on eachother. We also live 97 miles apart, we're teenagers, and only get to see eachother 1 once a month if that much. I don't think you could cheat on someone that you love, but that you could end up loving the person you cheated on. Of course, there's always the possibility that he really does love you and he just didn't realize it at the time. I don't know, just be careful  |
Date: 2/27/2003 6:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 57653
I also think that if the love is true and the relationship strong...there would be no cheating. He didn't love you enough and I doubt he does enough now. Personally, I don't know if I believe the "Once a cheater, always a cheater" But I won't be giving anyone a chance to find out with me. I think people can change, but I don't think a man who has gotten away with cheating with one woman won't do it to her again...he knows he CAN get away with it. I hope this wasn't too jumbled. This subject always gets me angry!!!! There are only 3 things my boyfriend could do to that would end our relationship forever without hesitation. 1)CHEAT ON ME 2) Hit me 3) To harm our children (future children). I'm sorry this happened to you...i can only imagine the pain you are feeling now.  |
Date: 2/27/2003 7:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I heard this quote from a movie-- "All relationships are vulnerable. Otherwise, marriage wouldn't mean anything." i.e. temptation is a part of every relationship, it is what makes devotion so precious. Thusly, I do think that it is possible to love someone and still be tempted to cheat on them, and by another degree, to follow through on those temptations. How you handle temptation is a test of your individual fortitude and the strength of your relationship.  |
Date: 2/27/2003 7:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 15070
*first of all KK, a hug*, now a pint of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream. Now: the truth-you can never trust him. EVER. Everytime he is late, you will feel bad. trust has been destroyed. He LIED & CHEATED. You owe him nothing-so let the door hit him, where the dog bit him....."see ya"..better you found out now. I am so sorry, I know this hurts, but it is HIS loss.....  |
Date: 2/27/2003 9:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
You know the old saying hun, one mistake is allowable for anyone but 2 or 3 times.....NO!!!!kiss him goodbye hun...he doesnt deserve you....hugs Zema  |
Date: 2/27/2003 9:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 55967
I'd never condone cheating, but it seems you really want to know if someone can love someone else and still cheat. Well, I know people who love life and want to live as long as possible, but who smoke like a chimney. Contradiction here. I think one can truly love another, but have a bad habit elsewhere. But just because he may still truly loves you is still no reason to to put up with that. I would tell him to get his act together on that or "see ya." He may just be weak in that area and still love you, but you need someone honest, true, and strong from here on out. That's what a real relationship is built on. These are just my opinions, but one fact is that for a healthy relationship, each person must not look at it like "what can I get out of it?" but rather as "what can I put into it?" Peace and good luck. ~GypsyHawk~  |
Date: 2/27/2003 10:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 37900
Is he sorry he cheated or sorry he was caught? It seems clear to me he isn't committed to you, unless you're convenient. If he truly loved you, he could--and would--control himself. Don't listen to his words, look at his life. He has betrayed a trust; your relationship will not be as it was. I wish you well.  |
Date: 2/27/2003 10:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
people cheat becuase they are lacking something, they are not committed to the person who they are with.. only you know if you can get past it  |
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Date: 2/28/2003 4:12:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
Thank you all for your opinions on this matter. It's really hard for me to think about it as him not truly loving me if he did that because for so long I believed in his dedication to me. He made a point of telling me he loved me more than ten times a day... I thought we were the picture perfect relationship and we were SO happy. I knew he loved me then, but now in a way I feel like everything has just been what I wanted and what I believed. I believed he was this angel sent to me and then I found all of this information out and it is as if he is not the person I fell in love with at all. He was this hopeless romantic who swore he'd never cheat on me or even think about it and I believed him. During the time he was cheating, I was away from him. I don't know if this made cheating conveinient or if, like he told me, he was just lonely. Lonely or not, this was no excuse. He said that the girl he cheated on me the longest with wasn't that pretty and she wasn't very nice... I don't know whether to be upset about this or relieved. I know that I can never trust him again, but I have given him a second chance. He knows if he does it again he's gone. |
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Date: 2/28/2003 4:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 15998
I'm alays away from my boyfriend and when he leaves for the military in July I know it will be harder. We are always lonely, but we enevr eevn think about cheating on eachother. We truly love eachother and, although it goes against everything I believe, I would probably give him a second chance if he ever did. But that would be it. After that he'd be long gone. It would probably be good to stay friends with him and I think I would but I don't know. No one should ever have to go through thatn though, whether they truly love eachother or not. |
Date: 2/28/2003 5:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 27270
I wouldn't go so far as to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" because this sort of situation is different for each individual, couple and relationship. I do however agree that if he has cheated on you 3 times, chances are there will be a 4th, 5th, etc. Especially in just 2.5 years! Sorry this has happened to you, and while I don't have all the facts, if I were you I'd leave the guy.  |
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Date: 2/28/2003 6:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 24845
Krazy Kritter, I just read your last response to this post. I know exactly what you're man said to you. Mine said those exactly same things. I don't want to discourage you. In fact I want the best for you. I really do. Though when I read what you said he said, how he acted and all those excuses he gave you, it's like going back in time. I just feel like I need to warn you. I'm not in any way trying to tell you what to do, I wouldn't do that. I know because I don't take advice to easily myself. (though i can give it really well. lol) back to the point. LOL. Loneliness isn't a reason for giving up on you, whether physically or otherwise. It's an excuse for him, to make it feel like it was okay for him to do this. It switchs the blame too. "It's not my fault, you weren't here" type thing. He's trying to make himself feel better hon. He knows he screwed up, but what is the guarantee that he won't screw up agian. See, asking myself that is an answer I couldn't figure out, so I decided I wasn't going to find out. In the end, I am much happier. I'm glad that my ex and I didn't work out. Though at the time I felt like my world fell apart. It was a wonder I remembered how to breathe. That's how dependant I was on my ex. I'm in no way saying that you are dependant on him. I just know how I felt at the time and how I feel now. I look at it this way. It's a journey. A journey into a bright new world, scary, unknown and all togeather unpredicatable. But it's mine. I call the shots. I like it really well. LOL. I really wish you the best and i hope this didn't feel like preaching to you. I meant it like a friend telling a friend the best thing she'd ever done, and the worst thing she'd ever been through. God bless you KK. |
Date: 2/28/2003 7:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
I've seen couples able to put the cheatings behind them and make their marriage stronger and I've seen couples that one spouse accepts the cheating that still goes on. Then there are those like me that can't live with someone that cheats and broke the marriage vow. I just couldn't even though I loved them, still do, but their betrayal broke my heart. I will keep you in my thoughts.  |
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Date: 2/28/2003 7:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
I meant, I couldn't let them stay with me knowing they betrayed me. It's a matter of broken trust. |
Date: 3/3/2003 8:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 54532
I think that if its true love u will not cheat but there are circumstances that can force a person to cheat. Believe me people can have sexual relations without having any emotional attachment.  |
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Date: 3/3/2003 4:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
54532, I understand exactly what you're saying. I think though, that maybe if a person is truly in love they already have an emotional attachment strong enough to keep them from giving into that sexual and emotionless temptation. |
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Date: 3/24/2003 8:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 54532
Well i think that if a person is just lonely then they arent in their right state they might cheat. |
Date: 3/12/2004 7:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 62593
Unfortunatley, It's a sad truth but once a cheater always a cheater. Look....I smoke ciggerettes. Someday I will quit but for the rest of my life...I'm still a smoker. I just don't smoke.
I'm sure he's sorry and wants forgivness but you deserve better. Because he crossed that line---and it's alot easier to cross again when time has passed, and the relationship is older. ~Satori Crush  |
