No one sees me

My life is going downhill, when I think about it. I made up a new quote about it today, I am usually in a deep depression, the part of me the nobody sees, the part that cries out for help, but nobody hears that cry. That was the quote. I get too much attention at school, that fake me, the one I can't get away from, I like who I am when I am alone, the only problem is, I don't get enough time to myself, I am stuck with a personality that when has attention makes me into the wrong person, but when I am by myself, all I can do is think about how miserable I am when I am around others, Im loud, and funny, and never serious about anything, my friends, that I don't care for much, they won't let me be serious, I think about it and I want to cry, why can't I be ME and stay ME? is it a disorder? I think it might be because I can't help it, and I can't tell anyone anything, my family will get all different and I don't like that, I want to get away from them too. I want to get away from everyone I know, and start a new life, but that will not happen any time soon. I love them but a lot of the time it doesn't seem like they love me, Mybrother puts me down every chance he gets, my other one is locked away, my dad has a serious ange problem and my mother is a crazy, depressed drunk. I need help, Im crying out, but this time, will someone answer?