" MODERN DAY PROVERBS " Wooden Nickel

MODERN DAY PROVERBS

1.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

5. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

6. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

7. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

8. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

9. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

10. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

11. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

15. Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

16. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

17. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

18. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

19. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

20. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

21. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

22. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

25. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

26. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

27. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

28. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

29. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

30. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

31. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

32. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

33. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

34. I plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

35. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

36. Get a new car for somebody you don't like - it'll be a great trade!

37. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

38. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

39. You can impress more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth.

40. Two things that are bad for your heart - running up stairs and running down people.



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Don ordered a cup of coffee with no cream at the corner restaurant.

The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, you'll have to have it with no milk, because we're out of cream."

======================= A WONDERFUL DAY Some days are cloudy and grey, And it seems as if the rain is Chasing all your dreams away.



While other days are bright and sunny, Making you feel as though the feats You can accomplish are many.



On this particular day, I have but One wish coming your way... I hope you have a wonderfully nice day!

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When I was a kid the adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, with all that walking twenty miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year-round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in heCK I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But... now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty-five, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You kids have got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a daRn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet - if we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damRed library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no e-mail! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a PEN! And then we had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a WEEK to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and MESS it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download HEAT! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of 'Hustler' at the 7-11! And when you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating. All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were OUT OF LUCK!

We didn't have fancy crap like 'call waiting'! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have that fancy 'Caller ID' stuff either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, you didn't know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances! And what's more, your phone was plugged into the WALL!

And we didn't have any fancy computer games and Playstations with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari! We had like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens or secret areas, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!!!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 14 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! There was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning! D'ya hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little brat!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1984!!!

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WHAT YA BEEN UP TO? Hello my friend It's been awhile What ya been up to Across the miles

The hustle and bustle Of our daily routines Never free time Always busy it seems

Wanted to take a minute To send you a line All is well I'm doing fine

Drop me a note Or give me a buzz We'll get together Just because....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I REALLY MISS YOU

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