Good news: the European Union is finally taking a tough, proactive stance on the serious issues of the day.
Farmers throughout the country have 90 days to put a toy in every pigsty or face up to three months in jail.
The new ruling from Brussels, which is to become law in Britain next week, is to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other.
Official instructions to farmers are to give pigs “environmental enrichment” by providing “manipulable material”, which the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs last night defined as balls.
A spokesman said: “We mean footballs and basketballs. Farmers may also need to change the balls so the pigs don’t get tired with the same one. Different colour ones will do.”
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