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Stupid Students(This is long but it's too funny to miss)....Flame-On

  Author:  38278  Category:(Humor) Created:(1/29/2003 11:40:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (1093 times)

The following are actual excerpts from real student essays:

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their backs. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1680 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

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One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

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Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

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George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. Fourteenth Amendment gave ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

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Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

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Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

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France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napolenonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were tremoling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.

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The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 1/29/2003 11:41:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 38278    LMAO!!!!  
Date: 1/29/2003 11:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 42515    LOL!!  
Date: 1/29/2003 11:47:00 AM  From Authorid: 943    Wonder where these kids go to school? LMAO.  
Date: 1/29/2003 12:13:00 PM  From Authorid: 26227    LMAO!!! yeah Id say these students didnt listen at all in school.  
Date: 1/29/2003 1:18:00 PM  From Authorid: 56147    LOL   
Date: 1/29/2003 1:25:00 PM  From Authorid: 57830    Ha! Thats funny!!!  
Date: 1/29/2003 1:55:00 PM  From Authorid: 58268    hahaha! I like those stories! ~ZP  
Date: 1/29/2003 2:12:00 PM  From Authorid: 53284    I don't think that I could write that even if I tried to. LOL  
Date: 1/29/2003 5:46:00 PM  From Authorid: 56074    LMAO!!! I hate to say it, but that sounds like some essays that students at my high school would write. lol  
Date: 1/31/2003 3:59:00 PM  From Authorid: 55653    lol
My Friends Put Similar things In A test About
American History.

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