"Your mother insulted me," wooden nickel

When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying.

"Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed.

"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked.

"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"

====================================

Andy: Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row...

Psychiatrist: Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible.

Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end...

=====================================

There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.

This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears.

Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could hardly contain himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying to ring up the merchandise.

"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his voice.

"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real Quaker?"

The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes, I am a real Quaker."

"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?" asked the clerk.

The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up. As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?"

The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply. The man said, "MIND Thee OWN BUSINESS."

=====================================

The Iraqui General had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike by the Americans from neighboring Saudi Arabia. "Ahkmed," he ordered his aide-de-camp, "I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of American military activity."

"Yes, General," replied Ahkmed. He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way. "There are many planes coming, General," he promptly radioed back.

"Friends or enemies?" the General demanded urgently.

Ahkmed again lifted his binoculars to the sky. "They're flying very closely together, General," he replied. "I think they must be friends."

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