Twas The Night Before Christmas-Politically Correct...........~The Mystery~

Twas the Night Before Christmas and Santa's a wreck

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to Elves,

Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the north pole

Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear

That Santa had better not use just reindeer.



So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,

Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from the sleigh;

The ruts had been termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sleigh noises ontheir rooftops.

Second hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightend.

And to show you the strangness of life's ebbs and flows,

Rudolph was sueing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,

Demanding million in overdue compensation.

So half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife

Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why he'd ne'er had a notion

That making a choice would cause so much commotion

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him, and nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute,

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that glamoured up or made any noise.

Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets, they were bad for the tooth

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken adn Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackels of those psychological

Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological

No baseball, no football, someone could get hurt

Besides, playing sports exposes kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe

And nintendo could rot your poor brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed

He just could not figure out what to do next

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you've got to be carefull with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground

Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,

Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue.

Everyone everywhere-even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth.

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."



~The Mystery~

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