How to be sarcastic

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

Are you a ray of sunshine every day?

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You!... Off my planet!

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & realize you haven't fallen asleep

Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

I plead contemporary insanity.

And which dwarf are you?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

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